


You're The Shining Distraction That Makes Me Fly

by Romancemesomeziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Single Father Zayn, Smut, Teacher Liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-25 05:23:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2610029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romancemesomeziam/pseuds/Romancemesomeziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn is a recently new single father, falling into his role without ease until Liam, his son's first grade teacher, helps him a little to adapt to the new lifestyle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Groaning, Zayn turned over in bed to stop the blaring alarm clock, his eyes still closed as he finally managed to make the horrendous sound cease. He sighed in frustration, pulling the blanket over his head even if he knew he couldn’t afford to linger in bed, the day impatiently waiting for him. After a few seconds, Zayn pushed himself up, rubbing at his eyes as he stood slowly, tangled in the warm blankets that all but begged him to stay.

Making his way into the kitchen, he started the kettle silently as he slipped on his glasses that he had abandoned on the counter the previous night. Nibbling on a piece of dry bread, Zayn waited for the water to boil before pouring himself a cuppa, trudging towards the kitchen table where his books still were.

Settling in, Zayn looked at the clock indicating it was barely 5 am before returning to his book, making a mental note that he only had an hour to study before he had to get going.

He focused on the assigned readings, making marks in the margins as he sipped his tea slowly, trying to rub the sleep away.

Within the hour Zayn managed to read through an entire chapter, highlighting the important passages before he was finished his tea. When the clock finally struck 6, he closed his books, placing them quickly in his backpack before going back to the kitchen.

He moved around swiftly, making sure one of the sandwiches he made was cut into squares not triangles. He then separated nuts and dried fruits in little baggies, adding some veggies and cheese with a simple curry dip. And even though he knew the new school had a strict no sweets policy, he added a mini Kit-Kat bar for all intensive purposive, closing up the batman lunchbox.

By the time he managed to whip up some pancakes, it was a little past 6:30, the morning sun starting to shine through the falling snow, casting a kaleidoscope of colors around the bare walls of the tiny flat. Putting the Mickey Mouse pancakes in the oven to keep them warm, Zayn tiptoed his way into the room adjacent his, smiling to himself when he saw the little boy in the bed shuffle around at the sound.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, running his hand up and down the small boy’s back Zayn leaned down, kissing his son’s forehead.

“Mezi, it’s time to wake up,” he cooed silently, fingers threading their way through the boy’s black fringe, gently pushing the silk strands away.

After a few seconds, tiny chocolate brown eyes opened, looking up at Zayn still half asleep.

“I made Mickey Mouse pancakes, your favorite for your first day of school,” whispered Zayn, feeling as though his normal voice would be too loud for such an intimate moment.

Truth was he was struggling badly with his own emotions at the moment, his son’s first day of school not something he was ready to deal with this early on. But the wide smile the small boy offered him in response eased his anxiety lightly.

Standing, Zayn pushed open the curtains, allowing the light through as he chose a shirt and some jeans for his son to wear, settling them on the bed by the boy’s feet.

“Are you ok to get dressed?,” he asked, adding a pair of clean underwear and socks to the pile before turning towards Mezi.

The little boy sat silent in his bed for a minute, blankets tugged around his waist as he clung to a monkey plush. Trying to encourage his son, Zayn smiled, pushing his glasses up his nose before reaching down for a smaller pair, very similar to his own. The only difference was that they were lined with a bright lime green color on the inside, the superhero disguise he called it as he slipped them onto his son’s soft face which brightened immediately.

“Can you get dressed now?” Zayn repeated, and was greeted with a shy nod as the boy pushed the covers away, grabbing the collar of his Ironman pyjama shirt and dragging it off.

Grinning proudly, Zayn slipped out of the room, closing the door behind himself to allow the boy a little privacy. While he waited for his son to come out for breakfast, Zayn checked the boy’s school bag for the 3rd time since last night, all but counting the pens and markers, making sure again and again that the boy had everything he needed.

He was interrupted a few minutes later when Mezi walked in quietly, rubbing at his eyes as he yawned. It broke Zayn’s heart a little that he had to wake the young boy so early, but the trip on the tube was longer than planned, the school he had chosen slightly out of their district.

As Mezi went to sit down at the kitchen table, pudgy hands holding on tight to the table cloth, Zayn settled a plate of pancakes with maple syrup in front of the boy.

“Eat up, babe,” Zayn said, ruffling the boy’s hair lightly before returning to the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of strong black coffee. Zayn then went to sit next to Mezi as he picked at his own breakfast quickly, reading through his emails on his phone.

When the boy was done eating, smile now sticky with syrup, Zayn huddled the boy close in his arms, marching him to the bathroom where they both brushed their teeth and washed their hands.

By 7:15 they were both dressed, bundled in their winter coats, scarves, mitts and boots. Zayn helped Mezi arm’s through the loops of his school bag, handing him the small batman lunch box, before grabbing his own bag, making their way out of the flat into the frigid November air.

As they walked through the thin layer of snow, Zayn could see Mezi struggle with the weight of his bag, waddling through the mush between his feet. Stopping, Zayn reached down, lifting the boy up onto his hip with a smile, booping his nose to his son's, who countered with a similar grin as they started walking once more.

And as they went, entering the tunnels down to the tube, Zayn couldn’t help but notice all the similarities between him and his son; the way they looked, the color of their eyes and the tint of their skin. It was in their mannerisms where they seemed to mirror each other, it was in the habits and the every little details.

To everyone that passed them on the tube, they probably looked like the happiest father-son duo. No doubt that no one knew that their relationship was barely 2 months old.

When they were finally sat on the tube, Zayn handed his phone over to Mezi, turning on the reading app to occupy the boy. He’d quickly learned that his son got sick in any moving transportation unless he was distracted, eyes focused on something else than the moving landscape outdoors.

By 8 they were stepping off the tube, back into the cold winter weather but with only a few more minutes to walk. As they approached the school screaming children and laughter could be heard, a wild scene of childish games coming into view.

Mezi’s hand that was held in Zayn’s own tightened at the sight, the small boy suddenly slowing in his pace, now half a step behind Zayn, almost hiding behind his leg.

Feeling as though he should be protection his son, Zayn picked up the small boy once more, lifting him onto his hip.

“Nothing to worry about, Beta,” Zayn promised, trying to make sure his voice didn’t waver because deep down, his own heart was racing, stomach dropping as they entered the friendly hallways of the elementary school.

The other children were still outside playing as Zayn and Mezi made their way down the empty corridor down towards homeroom 103 where Mr. Payne’s class was.

Stepping into the large colorful room, Zayn helped Mezi to his feet, kneeling in front of him as he unzipped the boy’s winter coat, taking his hat and mitts and putting them in the sleeve of his jacket so he wouldn’t lose them.

“You must be Mr. Malik,” a warm voice said from behind Zayn, forcing him to stand up as he spun around, Mezi cuddling closer to him as short arms wrapped around Zayn’s thigh, seeking reassurance.

“I am,” replied Zayn, coming face to face with a man that couldn’t be much older than he was. But the man was much broader than his own lithe form, strong shoulders encompassed by a tight red Henley. He wore his brown hair rather short, some stubble peppered across his jaw making him look a little unkept and sexy. Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Zayn forced his mind into focus.

In that moment, he remembered how surprised he’d been when he learned Mezi’s teacher would be a man, and seeing the man himself was even more of a surprise. It’s not that Zayn thought men made bad teachers, he himself studying to become one, it’s just that such a rugged looking man usually belonged in a different profession.

However Zayn was quickly proven wrong when the man before him smiled widely, looking so young and genuinely happy as he offered a welcoming hand.

“I’m Mr. Payne, but please call me Liam,” the teacher said, voice inviting and friendly enough for Mezi to lighten his hold on Zayn’s leg.

Once Zayn had released Liam’s hand, the man kneeled in front of him so he could be at eye leveled with Mezi, offering his hand once again but this time with a much more informal approach.

“Hello Mezrhad,” cooed Mr. Payne, eyes sparking with so much genuine affection that Zayn relaxed slightly, running his fingers through his son’s hair in encouragement.

“I’m Liam, I’m going to be your teacher,” continued Liam, smile widening when Mezi tiny little hand shook his bigger one.

“Do you want to see the cool desk I set you up with?” Liam asked Mezi, eyebrows arching which had Mezi giggling into Zayn’s leg before he nodded shyly.

“Follow me then,” Liam added as he stood, walking towards a bright red table that had a big banner that read _Mezrhad_ on it, right next to a giant Batman symbol.

Instantly the boy’s eyes widen as he untangled himself from around Zayn, taking a tentative step towards the table until his small trembling fingers traced the lines of his own name. He looked back up at Zayn, as if asking if it really was his, to which Zayn nodded, crouching down so he too could touch the name.

“This is really cool,” Zayn said for good measure, once again feeling a little more relieved when Mezi nodded, taking a seat behind the desk reaching for his bag that Zayn was now holding.

The boy then went to work, unpacking all his things and setting them up on his desk and in his tiny drawers in neat piles, admiring all the little goodies Mr. Payne had not doubt hidden in there to ease the introductory process.

“He seems to be adapting quickly,” commented Liam, bringing Zayn focus away from his son and back to his teacher.

“You have no idea,” Zayn mumbled, thankful that Liam only grinned in response without asking for further explanation.  “I’m just a little nervous you know, with everything being so new,” he admitted.

“That’s normal,” Liam assured him, the man’s strong hand running what Zayn assumed was suppose to be a comforting hand down his shoulder. On the contrary the touch had Zayn shivering, his body suddenly sparking with desire which he hurriedly pushed away, turning back towards his son.

“Baba has to go now, beta,” Zayn explained, crouching so he could kiss the boy’s forehead, trying to reassure his son but he was obviously worrying for nothing. Mezi only smiled at him, nodding his head as he returned the kiss before returning to the book he had pulled out, already engrossed in the story.

Sighing Zayn stood again, trying not to admire the way Liam’s shirt fit perfectly along the line of his muscular shoulders.

“You can call me if anything happens,” Zayn started, quickly pulling out a pen and paper from his own bag to write down his contact info. “The uni is only a few minutes away and I’ll be over in no time.”

Accepting the paper, Liam held Zayn’s gaze, an interesting glint flashing through his eyes “Try not to worry, he seems like an amazing kid, I’m sure he’ll do ok,” promised Liam.

“He is,” Zayn conceited.

“But he hasn’t spoken once since he had to move and I’m worried how that will affect him in school and with the other children,” explained Zayn, biting at his bottom lip as he remembered just how much he had struggled through elementary school.

Yet Liam only shrugged in response, not looking worried for a second as he smiled down at Mezi who had shifted his attention up to Zayn, as if sensing his uneasiness.

“I doubt it will be an issue,” replied Liam at the same time as a bell rung.

Seconds later the sound of laughing children was heard, small bundles of energy rushing into the classroom as they each settled at their own desk, eyes wide as they saw the new boy in their classroom. A few of the kids waved excitedly at Mezi who returned the greeting shyly, pushing at his glasses so they didn’t fall off his nose.

“I guess I should go now,” mumbled Zayn, leaning down to kiss the top of Mezi’s head once more for good measure, pleased when the boy’s fingers tightened around his for a second.

Pulling away, Zayn waved a small goodbye to his son, sighing as his eyes started to sting with unshed tears.

“Please just call me if something happens,” he repeated to Liam who nodded, escorting him towards the door.

“I’ll see you this afternoon Mr. Malik,” Liam smiled, accepting Mezi’s lunchbox and coat from Zayn’s hand before turning away, placing the items in their designed areas.

And Zayn stepped out of the classroom, lingering by the door as he watched the man wave exaggeratedly at the classroom, welcoming them to yet another morning.

All the children responded excitedly, obviously loving their teacher; but Zayn was still reluctant to leave, eye’s falling on his son who was now huddled at his desk, hands fisted around the small table from the loud noise.

Once again anxiety gripped at Zayn’s throat, knowing how the little boy got nervous around loud noise, reminders of horrible events Mezi’s grandmother had explained to Zayn when he’d come to pick his son up for the first time.

Yet, the small boy’s uneasiness seemed to fade away quickly when Liam walked towards him, voice now soothing as he presented Mezi to the class, asking the children to respond with their indoor voices which were a lot smoother and quieter.

At the enthusiastic reply, Mezi’s hands released the desk, falling in his lap as he grinned at the classroom before turning to Zayn, their eye’s meeting for a second as the little boy waved at him and Zayn waved back feeling a little guilty for sticking around.

He saw Liam’s own eyes fall on him and he shrugged, slightly embarrassed before stepping away, the image of Mezi happy in his new classroom the last thing he saw before he stepped out into the cold morning once more, engulfed by the snow and the howling wind.

 _Maybe he could do this father thing after all, maybe he could offer Mezi the home he deserved,_ thought Zayn as he walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I`m excited for the 3rd chapter, its when Zayn and Liam really start to talk. :) but until then, I Hope you guys enjoy this one!  
> I`m a little emotional over it!

The snow had finally stopped by the time Zayn made it back to the elementary school, the ground covered in a few inches of white fluff. His heavy combat boots left defined prints as he stubbed out his cigarette, making sure to throw it off campus. He’d been trying to quit for the past month, desperately failing today which he attributed mostly to stress.

Walking into the school’s still empty halls, Zayn reached for his watched, realizing he was 15 minutes early. Truth was he’d spent the entire day waiting for this moment, all but running out of his last class to make it here in time. He had worried so much, hoping Mezi was enjoying himself that he had almost gotten hit by a bus on his way to Uni in the morning.

He’d been an incoherent mess all day, barely focused on what people said to him. He felt as though his brain refused to acknowledge anything the world threw at him, his entire life on hold as he waited to know if his son would be ok, if Mezi could adapt to the last piece of his new life.

Now that Zayn stood before the closed door of homeroom 103, he couldn’t help but sigh out in frustration. He felt like such a failure lately, struggling daily with the four missing years of his son’s life he had barely any indications of.

 Every day Zayn woke up wondering if he cooked the right things, said the right words, read the right stories. It was a constant weight on his chest, all those elements he should know about his son’s life but knew nothing about.

And tried so hard to make up for it, did everything he could to make Mezi smile. He bought the best food and tried every recipe he could manage until the little boy’s eyes widened in wonder. He downloaded dozens if not hundreds of songs and movies, going through them patiently, waiting to see which ones the boy responded best to.

At the end of the day though, even if Mezi was cuddled in bed, warm and happy, Zayn still felt like something was missing; like he could have done something different to avoid all this.

Sighing, Zayn leaned against the classroom door, peaking through the tiny window to see all the kids gathered together on a checkered matt at the far end of the room. Liam sat before them, a book in his lap as he gesticulated widely, a goofy smile on his face that explained the children’s amazement and laughter.

The little scene however was interrupted by the dismissal bell, announcing the end of the day. Immediately the children all but ran to their cubbies, flinging on their coats and mitts and before he knew it, Zayn had to jump out of the way, the door swinging open as children ran out wildly. Liam came jogging after them quickly, hollering at them to walk and all the kids giggled as they turned around, nodding to their teacher before continuing their way.

“Mr. Malik,” welcomed Liam enthusiastically when he turned back towards the class, eyes falling on Zayn with what seemed to be a surprised expression. “I wasn’t expecting you until 3:30.”

“Please call me Zayn,” shrugged Zayn in reply, embarrassed to admit he couldn’t bear the thought of being away from Mezi any longer. “Got off early so, thought I’d come pick him up right away.”

Nodding, Liam seemed to accept the excuse easily, leading Zayn back into to the classroom where Mezi was still seated, a book in his lap.

“He did great,” Liam supplied freely as Zayn watched Mezrhad from a far, taking in the blush on his son’s cheek, as he turned the pages of the storybook slowly.

“He made friends with everyone, honestly you can stop worrying.”

“I’m not-,” started Zayn but quickly stopped himself, giving Liam a knowing smile at the same time Mezi’s eyes looked up from his book.

The minute the boy’s eyes settled on his father, he was up and running, his small legs carrying him as fast as they could until he smashed himself into Zayn’s leg, arms wrapped around him as tight as they could hold.

Zayn felt as though he was drowning for a minute, so overwhelmed with love and attention as he reached out and heaved Mezi’s into his arms.

“Hello Beta,” he sing sung as he kissed the boy’s forehead, easing the boy’s hair out of his eyes. “I missed you today. Did you have fun with Mr. Payne and your new friends?”

The boy nodded as usual, his lips not moving an inch as he rubbed his face into the crook of Zayn’s neck, tiny arms lifting so they could wrap themselves around his father’s neck. And maybe it was weird, but the familiar sent of his son’s shampoo eased almost all the tension out of Zayn’s body, his own hold tightening around Mezi’s waist.

“Are you ready to go?,” Zayn asked, feeling Liam’s eyes trace over him, no doubt inspecting his interaction with his son. And yet the thought of Liam looking at him had Zayn’s mind drifting in areas he hadn’t dared enter ever since he’d set foot back in Bradford to collect Mezi and take him home to London.

He had sworn off romance and love affairs, wanting to focus solely on his son and yet here he stood, swaying slightly with Mezi in his arms, craving his son’s teacher.

 _You’re a sad excuse for a father,_ he thought to himself as he watched Mezi’s head dip down in agreement at the previous question, the small boy kicking his feet out so he would be deposited on the ground.

Zayn complied to the wordless demand, kneeling until Mezi’s feet touched the carpet. The boy then proceeded to run towards his cubby, grabbing hold of all his things as he quickly dressed.

“I know its just the first day,” Liam said, handing Zayn a bright colored paper, “but the kids are putting on an art exhibit in two weeks, I’ll have Mezrhad do some stuff over the next week so if you want to come I’m sure he’d enjoy that.”

Inspecting the flyer, Zayn admired the poorly done calligraphy that looked almost childish. “I’ll be there for sure,” he promised right as Mezi walked up to him, arms outstretched, silently asking to be picked up.

Without thought, Zayn heaved the boy onto his hip, the position becoming familiar quite rapidly.

“Have a good evening Liam,” Zayn said as he whispered in Mezi’s ear for him to wave goodbye.

The boy’s face instantly brightened as he waved his hand in the air, grinning full heartedly at his teacher as Zayn started to walk away before he did something he regretted. Every time Liam moved, his shirt seemed to bunch in all the right areas, showing off the definition of his muscles, Zayn’s mouth all but watering at the sight.

“Goodbye Mezrhad, bye Zayn,” Liam called back, and Zayn kept walking, his name on the other man’s lips starting a fire inside his body as he imagined it as a moan.

But mere seconds before he turned out of sight, Zayn couldn’t help but look over his shoulder, offering Liam a coy smile and a wink as he stepped into the hallway and away from temptation.

******************************

Zayn entered the comicbook store, shaking his hair out as he reached for Mezi’s fuzzy hat, dragging it off as the boy sighed tiredly in his arm.

“How about a snack?,” mumbled Zayn, as he tried going through his pockets while holding the boy up. With some effort he managed to pull out a fruit roll up, offering it to Mezrhad who admired it like it was a piece of gold.

“Let’s go see what Uncle Tommo is up to,”Zayn said as he made his way through the empty store towards the back, pushing the heavy metal door that lead to the employee room to reveal a sleeping Louis.

Kicking at Louis’s shin with mild annoyance, Zayn snorted as watched his friend stumbled to the ground from his comfortable chair, obviously startled.

“What the fuck man,” yelled Louis, instantly regretting his words when he saw Mezi’s mouth gapping at the foul language.

“Little solider, hey,” Louis said as he reached out, running his fingers over the boy’s hand before giving Zayn an apologetic shrug.

“You do know you’re suppose to be working?,” replied Zayn as he settled Mezi on the couch behind Louis, helping the boy undress so he wasn’t too hot while Zayn worked. He opened the fruit roll up when the boy held it up questioningly, giving it back to his son as he switched on the small TV.

“Was too hung-over,” answered Louis, as if it was a valuable excuse. And yet Zayn couldn’t find it in himself to argue with his best friend because two months ago that had been him, sleeping through the day and even his work shift. But now he had to be a responsible adult, had to do things that insured Mezi would have the brightest of futures.

For some reason at the thought of his son’s future, Zayn’s mind wandered to the boy’s teacher, images of the strong man cuddling Mezi to his bare chest flashing through his eyes.

Quickly, Zayn pushed the image away, looking down at his son to make sure he was ok, telling him he’d be out front as usual if he needed anything before walking out, suddenly longing for fresh air.

“Niall dropped off those speech therapy books you wanted for the little man,” Louis said as he followed Zayn out, pointing to a pile of books that littered the counter out front.

Nodding to himself, Zayn started gathering the new comic books that had arrived during the day, placing them in their respective racks as Louis had ignored to do. Zayn went about his tasks, pretending for a few more minutes that he didn’t have to deal with those books because truth be told they scared him shitless.

He didn’t know how to help a child get over a traumatic experience. All the pricey professionals he had consulted with Mezrhad had given him countless complicated diagnostics that all lead to sever medication regiments and Zayn simply refused to allow it.

Going through endless hours of research, he’d managed to find a good speech therapist that had worked with Mezi a little and she had encouraged Zayn to do the same at home, provided he got some books to educate himself on the subject.

So Zayn had done just that, buying the best books on the topic, using his student discount accordingly so he could actually afford them. The lot had cost him almost a week’s pay, and his student loans were running out quickly. Every day Zayn wondered how he’d manage to make it to the end of the year, a son obviously not something he had planned in his budget over the summer when he was partying every night and spending money on beer and weed.

Forcing a smile when a client entered the store, greeting them with ease as the man started asking him questions about the latest _X-Men_ , Zayn did the best he could to let go of his present worries. He managed to lose himself in the world of art and comics, using his job as an outlet to forget for an instance his troubles.

And the evening went on, various clients taking up Zayn’s attention and he was thankful for the constant flow of people, keeping his mind occupied. By 5:30 Zayn made sure to heat up Mezi’s dinner, serving the boy some pasta with a glass of milk. He left Louis in charge of homework, grateful his friend had nothing better to do than hang around the shop even after his shift was over.

When the clock finally struck 7:30, Zayn dropped the last of the outdated comics into the charity box, tapping it up for morning delivery. He closed the open sign out front, taking a minute to breathe out, easing the pressure that had been building in his head ever since he’d gotten here. After a few seconds, Zayn made his way back to the employee room, where Mezi and Louis were settled into the lumpy couch, spaghetti stained mouth as they giggled at the television.

Without being told what to do, Mezi leaned up and kissed Louis’s cheek when he saw his father standing in the doorway, climbing down the high couch towards Zayn that held the boy’s coat open for him, helping the thick material over Mezi’s shoulders.

“Our little soldier is ace at math,” yawned Louis as he shut the TV off, dusting some crumbs off his shirt as he stood. “He finished his worksheet before I even had my calculator out.”

Rolling his eyes, Zayn slid into his own coat, stuffing Mezi’s lunchbox into his bag so he could have his arms free to pick the boy up.

“No idea why I let you babysit my son,” muttered Zayn, clutching Mezi to his chest, arranging the boy’s hat to make sure his ears were covered before making his way out front.

Once again Louis followed him, arguing without purpose about how amazing he was with children. And in reality Zayn already knew that, which is why he actually allowed Louis to take care of Mezrhad. In fact, Louis was one the only person Zayn ever let his son be alone with.

“You’ll be here tomorrow right?” he asked just as he was about to exit the store, the falling night looming outside, reminding him just how late it already was.

“Any time you need me,” Louis answered sincerely, giving Zayn a lopsided smile before tipping his snapback at him, escaping behind a column of books without a formal goodbye.

Thankful for his friend’s support, now and ever since the news that dreadful night 2 months ago, Zayn pushed his way out the door, shivering as the cold air licked at his skin. He felt Mezi huddle into his side, face hidden in the crook of Zayn’s neck, a tired yawn on his tiny lips.

Picking up the pace, Zayn walked a little faster, grateful when he finally made it to the tube, warmed by the heating of the underground tunnels. When he manage to find an empty seat, settling Mezi’s sleeping form in his lap, Zayn kept a stab of guilt course through him, hating the fact he had to put his son through this.

No child should have to stay out all day, coming to work with his parent and not being able to enjoy the comforts of their own home after school. Yet, Zayn had found no other option, unable to pay an actually babysitter or get Mezi into a proper daycare.

His only real and affordable option had been to bring Mezrhad to work every day with him while Louis bummed out in the employee room, playing babysitter, which truth be told wasn’t very different than what Louis did on a regular day.

But Zayn found himself blessed to have a little boy like Mezi, so easy to live with, content with anything he was given, not a complaint every being heard. The boy was always smiling, willing to do whatever Zayn asked because he was so eager to please. And sometimes it worried Zayn, because he didn’t want his son to do things only because he was afraid of Zayn’s reaction. Their relationship was so young after all, still developing as they learned to asses one another.

Leaning his cheek against the top of Mezi’s head, Zayn allowed himself a minute of peace, closing his eyes and counting to twenty. When he opened his eyes he felt a little calmer, gathering his son closer to his chest as he prepared to get off.

Once they were out in the cold again, Zayn felt like the day would never end, his arms starting to tremble under the constant weight, his growing headache pushing its way to the back of his head.

By the time he reached his front door, Zayn was all but ready to cry from exhaustion, his arms burning as he tried to unlock the door without waking Mezi. He dropped his own bag in the hallway on his way down to his room, lying Mezi down on the bed as he undressed him quietly, removing his school bag and glasses which he placed along with his own, on the night stand.

Mezrhad barely moved as Zayn stripped him of his clothing, his limbs completely limp, soft snores echoing in the empty room. When the boy was down to nothing but his underwear, Zayn stripped his own clothes, rapidly shoving everything into the laundry basket that was already overflowing. He made a quick trip to the laundry room, throwing in as much clothes as he could into the washer before starting it. He then made his way to kitchen, biting into an energy bar as he unpacked Mezi’s lunch box, his own stomach growling from the lack of dinner.

Returning to the sleeping boy in his room, Zayn carried him to the bathroom, turning on the shower. As he waited for the water to warm up, the heater a complete piece of shit, Zayn helped Mezi out of the rest of his clothing, shuffling out of his own underwear. By then, the water seemed comfortable enough. Zayn stepped carefully in, the small boy a dead weight in his arms. Turning his back to the water, Zayn cradled Mezi’s head to his chest shielding him as best he could from the majority of the stream, only allowing small sprinkles to fall upon his son’s skin.

Taking a minute to enjoy the warmth and calmness of the shower, Zayn sighed pleasurably, swaying under the warm water. Humming a lullaby his mother use to sing to him, Zayn started running a soap slicked hand up and down the Mezrhad’s back and hair, stepping under the cascading water to rinse away the residue.

“I’ll get better with time,” promised Zayn, his voice barely above a broken whisper, his eyes stinging with tears that he allowed to fall, head bowed as he leaned his forehead on the boy’s bony shoulder. “I love you, Beta”.


	3. Chapter 3

The week went by quickly, Zayn’s morning routine more of the same as he kept waking up long before the sun. He spent the early hours of the day studying as much as he could, cramming until his eyes went cross and the words blurred on the page.

He made sure to change up the lunches he made for Mezi, giving him different snacks and varying the content of the boy’s sandwiches. He did the same thing with breakfast, using his artistic side to decorate the plates with colorful fruits and designs that always had Mezi smiling brightly.

And every morning when Zayn dropped Mezrhad off at school he was welcomed by Liam’s coy smiles and tiny touching gestures. It was one of Zayn’s favorite part of the day, watching his son happily set up along with his new friends all while he got to check out Liam.

With each meeting, the other man’s enthusiasm at Zayn’s presence seemed to grow, although he never did anything directive to show interest. So Zayn settled into their easy conversation, enjoying the man’s humor and intelligence, losing himself if only for a minute in the depth of man’s voice.

The process was the same at night, Zayn arriving five minutes before the bell so he could watch Mezrhad interact with his peers. He noticed how the boy seemed to point to the things he wanted, making gestures with his hands that seemed to represent symbols. The other children all seemed to know exactly what he meant, playing easily together.

It pleased Zayn to know that even though he couldn’t get Mezi to talk yet, that his school life wasn’t impacted by it. Liam had in fact assured him that Mezi was actually in advance in comparison to the other students, already knowing how to read on his own and even write a few words without help.

However the hardest part of the week remained the time Zayn had to spend at the comic book store, struggling between his job and his fatherly duties. Luckily, Niall and Louis both helped, babysitting Mezi in the employee room while Zayn wrestled through the month’s budgetary review. On a few occasion Niall had even offered to help out some clients in order for Zayn to sit down with Mezi and have a proper family dinner.  

And it wasn’t exactly the perfect family life and yet Zayn had to concede that it could be much worse. He took his break in the employee room with his son, helping him do his English homework as they spelled out words slowly. Or they ate something heated in the microwave that Zayn had prepared the previous night together, enjoying the comfortable silence between them.

Also, the tube rides seemed to get shorter with time, as Zayn learned the exact number of seconds he could close his eyes for before he had to get off. Surprisingly, by the middle of the week, he found himself enjoying the silence of the rides, the soft sound of Mezrhad’s breathing easing his conscience.

On some days they even made it home early enough so that Mezi could take a bath on his own, playing with his avengers figurines while Zayn folded the laundry next to him, laughing out brightly at the bubbling sound his son made. On Thursday Zayn had even been able to read to Mezi before bed, cuddling together in the single bed until they both passed out from exhaustion.

The weekend on the contrary had been spent enjoying the outdoors, attending one of Louis’s footie matches on Saturday and profiting of a charity event at the zoo on Sunday. Mezhrad had been fascinated with all the animals, watching with wide eyes as he stumbled through the exhibit, spending a little more time in tiger territory. That night the boy had fallen asleep while watching a movie, head pressed to Zayn’s shoulders as his tiny fingers traced the lines of Zayn tiger tattoo.

\--

And yet as the second week started, Zayn found himself unable to roll out of bed as easily as he had the previous week. His head hummed with an unpleasant pressure, his nose stuffed as he managed to shuffle to the kitchen slowly. When he sat down in front of his books, reaching out for his cue cards for his exam later today, his vision dimmed, making him slightly nauseous.

“This can’t be happening,” Zayn muttered to himself, stifling a cough as he chose to start on Mezi’s lunch right away rather than push through his lecture.

It took him almost the entire hour just to piece together a decent lunch for Mezi, the strain in his muscles making him settle on cereal for breakfast. But as always when Mezi was awake and dressed, he was more than happy with his food, eating with greedy bites as Zayn all but slept leaning against the counter, watching him.

He was awoken when Mezi pulled at his sweater, eyes opening slowly to look down at his son who offered him his empty blow, eye’s furrowed in worry. Accepting the dishes, Zayn worked his fingers through his son’s hair beckoning him to get his coat on while Zayn packed his bag.

By the time they made it to school however, Zayn noticed the classroom doors were already closed. The heavy snowfall had made the walk longer than usual, Zayn’s own lack of strength adding to the mix. So rather than disturbing the entire class, Zayn helped Mezi out of his coat and boots, placing the items on a hook outside the classroom.

“Have a good day babe,” he mumbled quietly, returning Mezi’s strong hug before opening the door for Mezi to go in. And usually Zayn waited until Mezrhad was sat at his desk before he left, but this morning he simply couldn’t afford to do that. Hurrying down the hallway, he pushed the heavy doors open, never hearing the familiar voice that called his name as he ran hurriedly through the storm.

***********************

When Zayn’s phone rang, he barely had a foot outside the door of the examination room, his head thumbing with a massive headache as he answered.

“Hello?”

“Hello Mr, Malik, this is Liam Payne, Mezhrad’s teacher,” the familiar voice at the other end of the receiver said and instantly Zayn’s heart skipped a beat. Within seconds his mind was spinning with all the endless possibilities of things that could have happened to his son.

“Is everything ok with Mezi?” he asked shortly, increasing the speed of his march towards the tube.

“Oh yes, Mezi’s great,” promised Liam rapidly. “I was simply calling to remind you about the art exhibit the kids are doing. I was going to remind you this morning but you left before I could.”

Sighing Zayn tapped a cigarette out of his pack, lightening it quickly as he exhaled. “I was in a bit of a rush,” Zayn explained. “But yes I’ll be attending the art exhibit, it’s on the 16th right?”

“It is,” agreed Liam, “the 16th being today, as in the exhibit started an hour ago.”

“No,” replied Zayn flatly, his entire body freezing into place as he dropped the cigarette. “No, it can’t be today. I-it can’t.”

“You can still make it,” Liam said, sounding sympathetic.

Without thought Zayn simply hung up, bolting towards the closes tube station. By the time he was seated in the moving vehicle, he was panting, eyes stinging with frustrated tears as he tried desperately hard not to hyperventilate.

The minute he entered the school, Zayn already knew he was too late, the lights in every single classroom he ran by closed, an eerie silence ghosting through the hallways. Nothing could be heard but the sound of his own heavy footsteps as he pushed himself further, bitter disappointment choking him.

As he turned into his son’s classroom he came face to face with empty chairs, all stacked up on the tiny desks. Half the lights had already been turned off, the only sign of life was Liam sitting behind his own desk, pen in hand as he tapped out a rhythmic beat.

At that Zayn lost it, tears spilling over as his breath hitched, coming out unevenly. Leaning against the doorway, looking up at the ceiling, Zayn forced his anger down, seconds away from punching a hole through a wall from the amount of crippling guilt he felt.

“I missed his first fucking art show,” Zayn whispered, rubbing at his eyes. “Like I missed his entire fucking life. I’m such a fucking horrible parent, I should have left him with his grandparents, he deserves better, Oh god, I missed his art show.”

A strong hand pressed itself to the bottom of Zayn’s back, making him realize he was babbling out loud when he saw Liam right next to him, eyes wide and troubled. The man ran a comforting hand up and down Zayn’s back, offering the little reassurance he could but without any false promises.  

“I’m the worse fucking father there is,” Zayn whispered, looking directly at the man because he wanted to see him agree, needed the confirmation that he should pack up Mezi’s things and bring him back to his grandparents. There was no doubt that they could take better care of him, give him the attention he needed. And at least with them he’d be in a familiar home, a place he knew. Not here, surrounded by things he found strange.

But Liam only shook his head in response. “I think your son disagrees,” the man said softly, leading Zayn out of the classroom and down the hall with a cautious hand at the bottom of his back.

Feeling weak, his entire body limp from frustration and anxiety, Zayn allowed Liam to lead him through the hallways, trying to calm his breathing as he brushed the tear tracks off his face. When Liam stopped, they stood in the entry way of the auditorium that was decorated widely with different pictures and art work. The room was empty but for Mezi and another man with curly brown hair who sat in the middle of the room as they softly played music on a movable keyboard.

“Mezrhad,” Liam called out, his voice warm and inviting making Zayn sag into the man’s touch, relieved when Liam’s hand on his hip steadied him.

Watching his son’s head turn towards him, Zayn tried to grin through the tears, his heart still struggling to beat at an acceptable pace. Yet as usual, when the boy’s eyes fell on his father, the world around him seemed to disappear and for a second Zayn could focus on nothing but the small boy that walked towards him, waving his hands enthusiastically.

The minute he was in touching distance, Mezi was swinging himself into Zayn’s arm, arms tightly wrapped around his neck as Zayn heaved the boy onto his hip, holding on to his son as if he would disappear if he let go.

But soon Mezi was squirming to get out of the embrace, grabbing Zayn’s hand the minute his feet touched the ground. He started tugging Zayn forward until they reached a wall filled with colorful, childish drawings and crafts.

And Zayn simply marveled at it, completely awed even though the colors barely stood within the lines and the crafts were slightly lop-sided.

“Did you do all this?,” Zayn said as he took in every detail, picking up his son so the boy could point out certain elements with his tiny finger.

Mezi nodded proudly, giggling into Zayn’s neck when he gapped at the drawings.

“No way you did this, you’re too young to be this good. Did Mr. Payne cheat and help you,” Zayn questioned teasingly, tickling Mezi’s tummy.

The boy laughed out whole heartedly, fighting away the tickling attack as he shook his head.

“I’m so proud of you,” whispered Zayn as he kissed the boy’s forehead who sighed contently, falling into an easy embrace. Hooking his chin over his son’s shoulder, Zayn mouthed a thank you to Liam who was watching him from afar.

Zayn kept admiring his son’s work, reaching out so he could run his fingers across the different colors, awed by the actual technique that was present behind each brush stroke. And for a second he found himself wishing Mezi could talk, wanting to know what the little boy had felt when he’d painted this or even just where he’d learn such techniques.

Eventually, Zayn looked around, noticing the other man that had been speaking with Liam had left and his son’s teacher now sat alone by the door, patiently waiting. When their eyes met, Liam shrugged amicably as if telling Zayn to take his time. Grateful, Zayn took a few more minutes to wonder at his son’s art before walking towards Liam, offering him a slightly embarrassed smile.

“Thank you for staying so late,” Zayn murmured to Liam as he eased Mezi to his feet, helping him into his jacket. Zayn found it easier not to look at the other man, knowing that deep down he was probably thinking exactly what Zayn was feeling. _Shit father._

Yet Liam only shrugged, a genuine grin on his face as he slipped into his own coat. “It’s no big deal.”

“It is,” Zayn countered, voice serious as he made eye contact with Liam. “It means more than you know.”

There was a tension that built itself in that moment, both men staring at one another with unsaid words. For some reason, there were so many things Zayn found himself wanting to say, and yet he was unable to do so.

 The silence was finally broken when Mezi tugged at Zayn’s jacket, tapping his finger on his wrist as if stating they were going to be late.

Snorting a laugh Zayn picked up the boy. “We’re not going to the comic book store beta, Baba is too sick.”

Worried creases instantly appeared in the boy’s forehead as he leaned his cheek to Zayn’s heart, listening to his heart beat.

“Thanks again,” repeated Zayn as he looked up at Liam, the man looking away quickly before meeting Zayn’s eye again, a thick blush spreading on his face.

“You take the tube right,” Liam asked as he escorted Zayn out, locking the door behind them.

“We do,” nodded Zayn, falling into step with Liam easily, as if they were meant to walk at the same pace, to fit into each other’s space.

“How about you let me give you a ride?”

“I couldn’t ask,” Zayn started to argue but was quickly interrupted by Liam.

“You didn’t, I offered. Plus you’re sick and the weather is shit. I wouldn’t want you or Mezrhad getting sick on the walk home,” Liam replied confidently, tilting his head towards the parking lot where a single Jeep stood.  “Even have a car seat for the little man.”

But Zayn couldn’t bring himself to say the words, feeling as though Liam’s actions were done slightly out of pity. However when Mezi sneezed loudly, a cough dying on his little lips, Zayn could do nothing but nod in agreement as he followed Liam to his car. Stepping on his ego to make sure his son didn’t get sick was something Zayn could do.

Settling Mezi quickly into the child seat, Zayn made his way to the passenger side, closing the door behind him with a loud thud.

“I really appreciate this,” he said, turning towards Liam, who shifted into reverse, backing out of the parking lot and on to the road.

“Again, it’s no big deal,” promised the other man.

From then on both men fell silent, listening to the radio as Liam hummed along quietly. The only words spoken were when Zayn gave directions to Liam who followed them obediently. By the time they made it to their place, Zayn’s headache had started to take over again, his eyes barely open.

“Let me help you up,” Liam offered kindly, not waiting for a response as he helped Mezi out of the car seat, meeting Zayn on the side walk with the little boy in his arms.

Seeing Mezrhad cuddled to Liam’s chest, small fingers reaching out to run along the man’s stubble had Zayn’s heart aching as he forced himself to look away, unlocking the door to climb the three flights of stairs to his flat.

“Would you like to stay for dinner,” asked Zayn as he finally managed to open the front door, running his fingers through his hair as he watched Mezi squirm out of Liam’s arms, immediately bolting for his room.

“I have a better idea,” Liam said as he shed his winter jacket. “How about I take care of dinner for Mezi and you go for a shower and a nap. You look like you need it.”

And Zayn wanted to argue, wanted to say that Liam didn’t have to do that but for some reason he knew the man would reply that he wanted to. There was also the fact that he barely knew Liam, leaving him alone in his flat with his son was probably a shitty idea but a shower and a kip did sound like the best thing in the world at the moment. Weighing the pros and the cons, Zayn nodded slightly, watching Mezi out the corner of his eye running out of his room with a Woody doll and into Liam’s arms.

 _Maybe I should be jealous,_ thought Zayn for a second but the pure bliss on his son’s face made his objection fade instantly.

“Just come get me if you need anything,” Zayn said as he backed away, inching towards the bathroom with images of a strong man wrapped around him, holding his son to his chest in an protective embrace.

 _Don’t be an idiot,_ mumbled Zayn to himself, closing the door of the bathroom behind himself.

*********************

When Zayn woke, the pressure in his head seemed to have faded, the heaviness in his chest that had been blocking his sinus also. Lying in bed for a second, trying to wake up, he could hear Liam’s soft voice, the hum of the television a distant noise.

Forcing himself out of bed, Zayn pulled on a pair of joggers and a black wifebeater, making his way towards the sound. Barely out the door of his own room he came face to face with Liam who was holding a sleeping Mezi in his arms.

“I was about to put him to bed,” Liam whispered.

“Let me,” countered Zayn just as softly, reaching out for his son, taking his weight easily as he smiled at Liam. “Just give me a minute.”

Dipping his head in agreement, Liam made his way back towards the living room, giving Zayn the perfect view to the man’s muscular back wrapped tightly in a black Henley.

 _Get your mind out of the gutter,_ thought Zayn as he shuffled forward into the darkness of his son’s room, laying the sleeping boy down. He made sure the blankets were tightly wrapped around Mezi, his plush monkey right next to his head in case the boy woke up through the night. Taking off the boy’s glasses, Zayn leaned down, pressing his forehead to his son’s before kissing the tip of his nose.

“I’ll never miss something important ever again,” Zayn promised, vowing in his head to get a daily planner first thing in the morning.

Stirring lightly, Mezi settled on his side, little hand out stretched over Zayn’s as if acknowledging the promise. Smiling down at his son one last time, Zayn made his way out of the room, closing the door behind himself softy as not to wake up Mezhrad.

Liam was in the kitchen, putting away clean dishes as Zayn entered, the sound of his footsteps making the man turn towards him.

“Would you like some soup?” asked Liam pointing to a boiling pot on the stove top.

“You made soup?” Zayn questioned rather than answering Liam’s own question, opening the pot only to smell the delicious aroma of chicken noodle soup. “You made this from scratch?”

Liam only shrugged in response, grabbing a hold of the ladle to serve a bowl for Zayn, and then one for himself. “It’s just throwing things in a pot and waiting.”

“You’re a god given gift,” muttered Zayn as he sat down next to Liam, taking a spoonful of the warm soup and trying not to moan. “I honestly don’t know how to thank you for today. As prideful as I am, I have to admit I never would have managed without you.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Liam said as he sipped at his own soup, crumbling soda biscuits into it as a child would do. “Parenthood takes some getting used to, and believe me you’re doing much better than loads of parents I have to deal with.”

“Can I ask you a question,” Zayn inquired after a few moments of silence, each spoonful of soup making him feel a warm and confident.

“Go for it,” invited Liam, dropping his spoon in his now empty bowl as he sat back, eyeing Zayn in a way that had the smaller man blushing.

Trying to find the right words, his own spoon now abandoned in his bowl, Zayn bit down on his bottom lip. “Why haven’t you asked about Mezi’s condition?”

For a second Liam seemed a little lost as he kept his eyes glued to his lap, searching for an appropriate answer

. “It’s not really my place to ask,” Liam finally replied, looking up at Zayn through long lashes. “Mezrhad has no issues in school, has adapted perfectly to the other children and does exactly as he’s told. The fact that he doesn’t talk out loud isn’t a problem at the moment so it really wasn’t my place to ask.”

“His mother died,” Zayn blurted out when Liam finished, uncertain why he’d felt the need to admit that.

Liam coughed uncomfortably for a second before reaching out, callous fingers running along the top of Zayn’s hand. “I’m sorry, that must have been hard on you.”

“It wasn’t,” Zayn replied, quickly realizing how bad that sounded when Liam frowned. “I mean, I hadn’t seen her in years.”

“Oh,” mouthed Liam, the frown on his face deepening.

“Wait, I didn’t know about Mezi either, I would never abandon my son,” explained Zayn but it was obvious Liam was confused by the situation. “It’s a long story.”

“I can listen if you want,” offered Liam as he stood, taking the dirty dishes to the sink before coming back, a bottle of vodka in hand and two shot glasses. “Saw this earlier when I was looking for the spices, think it could be useful.”

Snorting a laugh, Zayn accepted the shot, wincing as the liquid burned down his throat. He admired for a minute Liam’s throat as it moved as he swallowed down his own shot with a grimace.

“When I was 17 my parents moved to America and I chose not to follow,” started Zayn, leaning back in his chair as he stumbled over the words in his head. “We lived in Bradford back then and I chose to move to London, wanted to be an artist.”

“That explains Mezi’s born talent,” laughed Liam as he poured another shot, pushing the second in Zayn’s direction. They both drank it quickly, coughing in harmony as Zayn tried to focus.

“Yeah I guess,” he mumbled, twirling the glass in his hand. “My friends, including Sama, Mezi’s Mom, threw me a goodbye party, and we got really drunk and slept together. The next day I left and never really thought about it.”

“So she never told you she got pregnant?” Liam said, more of a statement than a question.

“No, she didn’t,” Zayn agreed, suddenly itching for a cigarette. “She stated in her will that if ever she died she wanted me to raise our son. And there was a letter that accompanied the will. It said that she never told me about Mezi because she wanted me to live the life I had dreamed about and she didn’t want anything to stop me.”

“That must have been a hard decision for her,” Liam said quietly and Zayn realized he’d never thought about it that way. He’d always felt as though he’d been robbed, as if she had thought he wasn’t good enough but obviously that made no sense. She had chosen not to tell him on the contrary so he could live, and without that he probably never would have met Louis or Niall, or made it into University.

Choosing to by past the comment, uncertain what to say, Zayn went on.

“Her parents told me she got sick not long after she had Mezi, terminally ill with only a few years to live if she was lucky. They also said she talked about me all the time, showed Mezi pictures of me and my art work. So when she died in September, her parents called me, told me the entire story. They said they’d understand if I was unable to take Mezi and they would gladly raise him but I just couldn’t leave him there. It wasn’t right. The first time he saw he just ran right for me and hugged me as if he’d known me his entire life... But the truth is I was just a stranger to him, someone he knew through stories and god knows what else. As much as he clung to me so easily, he still didn’t really know me and he hasn’t said a word since the day Sama died, and no one can pin point exactly why.”

“Losing his mother must be a scary thing,” tried Liam, reaching over once again so he could squeeze Zayn’s hand. “But you’re doing an amazing job with him.”

“I’m not,” scoffed Zayn, pulling away from Liam’s touch in frustration. “I bring him to work with me after school every day. Every dinner he eats is basically heated in a microwave, what kind of father does that?”

“One that tries very hard to take care of his son and provide for him,” Liam replied sternly, standing up as he walked over towards the living room, grabbing a piece of paper from his bag before handing it to Zayn. “You’re son admires you more than anything in the world Zayn. I think it’s time you give yourself more credit.”

The paper Liam handed him was a drawing of batman, Mezrhad’s name signed sloppily at the bottom.

“Turn it over,” Liam said gently as he sat next to Zayn again, waiting.

“Baba is my batman,” read Zayn out loud, trembling fingers tracing the uneven letters. He could feel tears springing to his eyes instantly, a sudden weight on his chest making it hard to breathe.

“I was going to put it in his progress portfolio but I think you need to keep it,” smiled Liam.

There was nothing Zayn could say in return that would possibly express the way he felt, complete gratitude enveloping him as he walked to the refrigerator, pinning the drawing in the center so he could see it every day.

“I’m sorry,” mumbled Zayn as he turned around to face Liam, their eyes locking as Zayn approached him, suddenly feeling strong and certain.

Confused, Liam’s head dipped to the side. “What for?”

“For kissing you,” replied Zayn clearly, taking hold of the man’s face, hands smoothing down the stubbled jaw as he pressed his lips’ to Liam’s, electricity coursing through his body at the touch.

And at first it was only meant to be a quick kiss, one of overwhelming gratefulness, admiration and lust and yet it rapidly turned into something different, something more. Because what Zayn hadn’t planned was for Liam to fall into the kiss so easily, to respond to his touch with a heated fever. In fact, Liam’s hand settled on his hips, anchoring him into the lip lock that fell into rhythm so perfectly. It was as though they were meant to do this, Zayn fitting utterly well into the cavern of Liam’s body.

When Zayn managed to pulled away, breathless and panting, he couldn’t help but feel slightly dizzy, his entire body buzzing with an intensity he’d never felt before.

“I lied,” he said as he leaned his forehead to Liam, the other man still silent as his eyes seemed to trace over Zayn’s now swollen lips.

“About what?” whispered Liam, mouth brushing over Zayn’s own, causing Zayn to moan out lowly.

“I’m not sorry,” smirked Zayn, kissing Liam again until he forgot the world around him for a second. He got lost in the strong arms that wrapped themselves around his waist, a hand pressed to the bottom of his back, pulling him in; making him focus. “Not sorry at all.”

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

“What are you looking at?” Niall asked as he passed next to Zayn, arms filled with the latest _Wonder Woman,_ stopping to stare at Zayn’s phone over his shoulder.

“None of your business,” replied Zayn, pushing at Niall’s shoulder making him topple over into a pile of abandoned posters and books.

Puffing a laugh, Niall dropped all the comics he’d been holding, watching Zayn with an amused smirk as he rubbed his elbow.

“You met someone,” laughed the blond boy, not even trying to escape the pile of rubbish he’d fallen into, kicking at Zayn’s shin in amusement.

“What are you going on about?,” Zayn said as he glared down at Niall, offering his friend a hand up because he looked simply ridiculous sitting there as if nothing was wrong.

Accepting the hand, Niall heaved himself to his feet, brushing up his clothes before knocking Zayn’s shoulder with his own. “You’ve got that stupid doppy look on your face, the one you get every time you suck a dick.”

Zayn arched a brow in response, unimpressed with Niall’s explanation. “You have no idea what I look like when I suck dick,” he stated casually, bending over so he could start picking up the comics Niall had dropped. The store was a mess this week, the latest inventory coming to an end but Zayn, as manager, still tried to keep a semblance of order so the clients didn’t feel like they were entering a complete dump.

“I didn’t mean during,” Niall said as he kneeled next to Zayn, slowly making a neat pile of comics next to himself. “I meant that look you get after you spend a night with someone and you end up liking that person for more than a quick fuck.”

“I don’t have a look,” argued Zayn, checking his watch for the third time in the last minute.

“We’re not dumb you know,” started Niall, momentarily interrupted as Mezi’s laugh echoed through the small store, a wind of the little boy rushing by as Louis ran after him excitedly.

Zayn traced his son’s path with his eyes, chuckling until he turned back towards Niall who didn’t look that amused.

“It’s not because that guy picks you up at the end of the street, everyday for the past 2 weeks that Louis and I don’t notice.”

“It’s not what you think,” Zayn whispered as he looked away, busying himself with the daily deposit. “He’s just a friend that offered me a ride so I could get Mezi home early enough to let him to play a little, to take a bath and what not.”

Niall made a face at that, biting at his lip as if preventing himself from arguing. “There’s nothing wrong with it Zayn, we just want you to be happy.”

Shrugging Zayn closed the cash register, a heavy sigh falling from his tongue. “I am happy, I have a beautiful son and Liam’s just a friend ok. I can’t..can’t bring someone else into my life right now. Mezi deserves my attention and I can’t afford to give it to anyone else right now.”

“Having someone in your life doesn’t make you a bad father,” Niall said simply, slipping his hand around Zayn’s waist to hug him from behind. Zayn fell into the embrace easily, needing the reassurance his friend was offering. Even if nothing had happened with Liam since their kiss, Zayn couldn’t deny the fact that there was an obvious attraction between them.

Liam had offered to take Mezi home after school with him to allow Zayn more time to get to work but Zayn had been unable to accept. He’d settle on accepting the man’s rides home after work, grateful he could help his son bathe and read him a story before bed while Liam usually cooked something for them to eat after.

 Liam had never initiated another kiss in all the time he’d spent in Zayn’s flat, never even slept the night. He usually just helped Zayn with his chores, folding the laundry next to him as they watched countless movies. Sometimes they’d cuddle on the couch, but Zayn blamed the fact that it was winter and his heater was shit to compensate for Liam’s strong arm around his shoulders. Overall, Liam had been a gentleman, aiding with Mezi exactly how Zayn needed and never asking for anything in return.

Yet Zayn still struggled with himself, feeling guilty every time he fell into the man’s embrace even if it was only for a goodbye hug.

 “You’ve been through enough, stop being so hard on yourself,” continued Niall, voice low and sympathetic. “You’re entitled to fall in love. It’s not an either or thing.”

Silently, Zayn dipped his head in agreement, placing his hand over Niall’s to give it a squeeze. “Let me text him to come in,” Zayn conceded, voice tight. “He’s waiting down the street.”

“That’s my boy,” all but yelled Niall before pulling away, slapping Zayn’s ass as he hollered for Louis to bring Mezi and his things out front.

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?” mumbled Zayn sending Liam a quick text before packing up Mezi’s school bag. The boy’s homework had been abandoned in exchange for chocolate cupcakes and a game of hide and seek with Louis. It was Friday after all, Zayn figured the boy was entitled to some fun.

“Probably,” Niall admitted as he snatched Mezi from Louis arms, swinging Mezi through the air until the little boy squealed with delight.

Just as Zayn was about to scold him, worried Mezi would be sick from the sudden movement and all the chocolate he had eaten, the bell above the entrance door rang, announcing someone’s arrival.

Liam stood in the doorway, an imposing presence as his wide shoulders were framed with a thick tweed coat. The soft smile on his face and rugged snapback cap on his head however, made him look younger, more approachable.

He waved awkwardly at Zayn, obviously uncomfortable with the amount of attention he was getting, every turned in his direction. Both Niall and Louis stood shoulder to shoulder, staring intently at Liam, all until Mezi tapped continuous at Niall’s shoulder, asking the blond to place him back on the ground.

Seconds later Mezrhad was throwing himself at Liam, face tucked into the man’s neck as the little boy cooed loudly, a happy sigh buzzing through the silent room.

“Well I guess things are more serious that we thought,” Louis fake whispered to Niall, not subtle whatsoever, making Liam blush as he his arms tightened around Mezi.

“It’s really not what you think,” Zayn said as he approached Liam, dying to reach out but knowing it wouldn’t help his friends’ speculations.

“Liam is Mezrhad’s teacher,” he explained, ruffling the boy’s hair who made grabby hands at him, wordlessly begging Zayn to come closer. Taking a step forth, using his son as an excuse, Zayn smiled up at Liam, whispering a hello as he accepted the boy’s weight in his arms.

“Its how we met and before you scare my only sane friend away, we’re going to leave,” announced Zayn, squeezing Liam’s bicep as he walked towards his things, gathering everything up hurriedly.

“I didn’t know Zayn had a teacher kink,” Louis said in a very serious tone, turning towards Niall who shrugged before eyeing Liam.

“He doesn’t look like a teacher,” Niall said, tilting his head to the side as he assessed Liam, obviously pretending Liam couldn’t hear them. “Looks like those naked models Zayn use to draw.”

“For fuck sakes,” Zayn grumbled, slapping the back of Niall’s head lightly to Mezi’s amusement. “We’re leaving, and you’re idiots.”

“I’ll wait in the car,” Liam replied, obviously embarrassed as he rubbed the back of his neck, a strong blush spreading across his cheeks.

Nodding, Zayn quickly dressed Mezi, then himself, adjusting the boy’s glasses before he turned towards his friends who were watching Liam walk away through the window display.

“Thanks for keeping an eye on Mezi,” Zayn mumbled, watching his son wave goodbye to his two friends who waved back.

“Use a condom,” called back Louis, snickering into Niall shoulder who punched him but cackled just as loud in response.

Giving them the finger, Zayn tucked Mezrhad closer to his chest, pushing the door open as he stepped out of the store. He could see Liam huddled in his car, the cold night’s air casting clouds around him. When he finally reached the Jeep, Zayn quickly opened the back door, tying Mezi in the little child seat before making his way to the front, closing his door loudly as he rubbed his hands together.

“Thanks for coming,” whispered Zayn as he glanced at Liam, the streetlight casting shadows on the man’s beautiful face. “I’m sorry about my friends, they mean well.”

“That’s ok,” assured Liam, looking over his shoulder to where Mezi was sitting, his chocolate brown eyes already closed, inching towards sleep.

“It was worth it,” Liam breathed, palm coming up to slide down Zayn’s cheek as he leaned in, brushing their lips together, but barely. It was as if he was asking permission, seeking Zayn’s approval.

Pulling away slightly, Zayn glanced back at his son for a minute, watching his small shoulders heave with every breath as he started snoring softly. Zayn forced his eyes back to Liam’s tracing the man’s lips before meeting his intense gaze.

“I waited two weeks for you to kiss me again,” grumbled Zayn, nibbling at Liam’s bottom lip teasingly. “I was hoping you could do better than that.”

Rolling his eyes, Liam laughed against Zayn’s mouth, pecking his lips quickly before sitting back into his seat.

“I’ll do much better once I get you home,” vowed Liam, eyes sparking with filthy promises as he started the car, driving off into the silent night as Zayn’s heart raced, anticipation making him bite back a sultry moan.

********************

“I got a little carried away when your lips touched mine,” Liam said as he stood next to Zayn’s bed, fully dressed as his hands shook. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Cocking his head to the side on the opposite side of the bed, the massive king size mattress separating them, Zayn couldn’t help but smile at how flustered Liam had become. The minute they’d walk through the door, Zayn had settled Mezi in bed, making sure the boy had everything he needed before returning to Liam’s side.

The man had been pacing in the living, obviously nervous as Zayn only grinned at him, intertwining their fingers so he could pull Liam through the flat, towards his bedroom where he closed the door. The room had instantly felt smaller, more intimate as they each stood on either side of the bed, assessing each other slowly.

Dragging his sweater off, exposing his tattoo’s Zayn kneeled on the bed, settling on his hunches as he kept watching Liam anxiously clenching his fists as if not to reach out, fingers desperate to touch.

“Does it feel like we’ve been dating to you?” Zayn asked after a minute of silence, curling his finger for Liam to come closer.

Swallowing audibly, Liam sat on the edge of the bed, hand reaching out to run along Zayn’s tattooed wrist. “Is this a trick question?” he asked, looking up at Zayn as if he was about to get scolded.

A carefree chuckle escaped Zayn’s lips as he leaned forward, trembling fingers undoing the first few buttons of Liam’s shirt.

“No,” Zayn assured, crawling forward until his knees knocked against Liam’s own, settling on his hunches again. “Just feels like it to me and I wanted to make sure I haven’t been reading you wrong.”

“You haven’t,” Liam said as he shook his head, trailing his fingers up Zayn arm and shoulder until he could thread his fingers through the back of his hair, pulling him in slightly. “It’s just that with Mezi and everything I didn’t want to push you into anything you weren’t ready for.”

No longer able to hold back, Zayn allowed himself the pleasure of leaning forth, pressing his mouth to Liam’s. He kissed the man without restraint, wrapping his arms around his neck, all but crawling in Liam’s lap.

“I’m ready now,” whispered Zayn when he pulled away, now straddling Liam who looked up at him through hooded eyes, lips swollen as he licked at them.

Liam smiled, something soft and genuine before pecking Zayn’ lips, turning them over so Zayn was now lying down, Liam larger body looming over him. Pulling at his jeans, Liam helped Zayn out of his clothes, kissing down his body with such delicacy that Zayn shivered at every touch of the man’s lips. He threaded his fingers through Liam hair, the snapback long abandoned, thrown away somewhere on the floor with Zayn’s own clothes.

While Liam focused on Zayn’s neck, sucking a kiss he already knew would bruise, Zayn worked on getting Liam undressed, desperately wanting to marvel at the man’s body. He’d spent countless hours after all, admiring Liam wrapped in those tight Henleys he wore and Zayn wanted to know what Liam looked like without them.

Once Zayn manage to open all the buttons, he pushed at the material, sliding it off Liam’s strong shoulders as he leaned up, kissing Liam’s jaw.

“Please take off your jeans,” moaned Zayn, grinding up so he could press his boxer clad erection into Liam’s thigh, wanting to feel more of the skin to skin contact.

Within seconds Liam was almost naked, he too now lying down next to Zayn in nothing but a pair of boxer short, his tight abdomen exposed to Zayn’s lingering touch.

“How do you prefer it?,” breathed Zayn, lips ghosting across the shell of Liam’s ear. He could see the goose bumps erupt over the man’s taunt skin, a beautiful contradiction to its usual smoothness.

“I usually top,” Liam answered, his fingers digging into Zayn’s hip, right where the gun tattoo dipped into his boxer’s. “But I want you inside me so fucking bad.”

Grunting a non-coherent reply, Zayn couldn’t help the way his hips bucked up at the response, his own fingers scratching their mark into Liam’s back as he kissed the other man, desperate for the taste. He felt Liam shift above him, pushing a leg between his own so he could rub up against him.

“Can you get on all fours?” Zayn managed to mumble when Liam pulled away, both their breathing coming out in long pulls as they watched one another intently.

For a split second Zayn though Liam was going to argue but on the contrary, the larger man moved easily, crawling off of Zayn before standing up at the end of the bed. He smirked at Zayn easily, running a hand up and down his torso as he bit into his bottom lip seductively, pulling off his boxers to expose himself fully.

“Changed my mind,” muttered Zayn as he prowled forward on all fours until he could kneel in front of Liam, eyes dazed and hungry. Without much thought, simply listening to the intense need in his stomach, Zayn reached out, sliding his hand along Liam’s erection, jerking him off slowly.

The sounds Liam made were hot enough for Zayn to come, but he forced down his own desire, wrapping his lips around Liam’s dick, sucking greedily as he hollowed his cheeks. He looked up at Liam through long lashes, forcing himself down, further onto Liam who sighed contently, locking eyes with Zayn with heated promises.

Pulling off, Zayn licked at his lips for a minute, tasting Liam on himself as he reached into his nightstand, taking out lube and a condom before returning to his position. He coated his fingers generously, pushing Liam’s thighs apart as he took hold of his dick once more, licking around the head with enthusiasm.

“Please,” grunted Liam when Zayn’s wet fingers trailed over the inside of his trembling thighs. “Need you inside of me.”

Obeying rapidly, Zayn teased a finger around Liam’s entrance, smirking around the man’s dick as he widened his stance, giving Zayn a better access to push the sole digit in. Liam’s reaction was unexpected, rough fingers threading themselves through Zayn’s hair as Liam’s hips bucked forward, chocking Zayn momentarily as he struggled to regain focus.

Quickly however, Zayn was able to concentrate, pushing his finger into Liam as he bobbed his head, taking the man down as far as he could, offering him a double dose of pleasure. He soon added a second finger, mewling when Liam’s strong hands pulled at his hair.

 Zayn ignored the tears staining the corners of his eyes, his own body humming with pleasure simply from the sound Liam was making. But soon Liam was pulling him off by the thick of his hair, leaning down to kiss him as Zayn eased his fingers out of the man.

“Need you now,” Liam admitted, sounding almost shy as he released his hold on Zayn’s hair, sliding down next to him on the bed.

Nodding, Zayn settled between the man’s legs before pulling off his own underwear, squeezing his dick for the first time. He hissed through gritted teeth at the touch, quickly rubbing himself against Liam’s own erection to try and attain release as he fumbled with the condom, fingers still slick with lube making it difficult.

Large hands covered his own stumbling fingers, taking the condom out of his hand as Liam opened it easily.

“Let me,” whispered Liam as he kissed Zayn one more time, tongue dancing along his lips, almost making him forget how painfully hard he was. Liam touch on his dick however reminded him just how close he was from orgasm, the gentle pressure almost too much to bear.

“I’m never going to last,” mumbled Zayn, embarrassed but Liam only brushed their lips together again, both hands cupping his face.

“Me neither,” Liam conceded, his face flushed, eyes glazed as if he’d already attained his high. “I just want to feel you.”

Nodding again, Zayn took hold of himself, inching forward on his knees until he was cradled perfectly between Liam’s muscular thighs that wrapped around his as he pushed in, eyes closing in bliss. For every inch he pushed in, Liam let out a sinful moan, hips rocking into Zayn, simply demanding more.

It didn’t take long for Zayn to comply with the silent demand, joining their hips in one thrust, watching Liam’s face brighten in ecstasy.

“Move,” grunted Liam as his fingers scrapped along Zayn’s back, clawing heated patterns of desire as he rolled his hips.

Zayn leaned further in, planting one hand next to Liam’s head, the other gripping the man’s hip to steady their movements. Every thrust felt tight and needy, Liam moaning out loudly as Zayn captured his mouth in a feverish kiss.

“We can’t wake Mezi,” Zayn murmured, even if his own words came out more loudly than intended, Liam clenching around him making his vision swim.  

“Then kiss me,” Liam whispered, licking a thick line up Zayn’s jaw. Complying, Zayn pressed his mouth to Liam’s, pushing his tongue in to taste the delicacy that Liam was, addicted to the taste even if it was only the second time he’d gotten to enjoy it.

As he started thrusting deeper, faster, Zayn found himself whining desperately, craving bruising marks all over his skin. He wanted to wake up in the morning, covered in reminders of Liam’s touch. He wanted to admire the remains of a night of beauty, a night without anxiety that seemed to free him from his usual guilt, if only for a moment. Yet it was so easy to get lost in the moment, to forget the responsibilities that stood behind his bedroom door and deep down Zayn knew he couldn’t get attached too fast. This needed to be release, to be uncomplicated so he could actually enjoy it.

Forcing himself out of his own head, Zayn ran his lips up Liam’s neck, sucking a mark there for all to see as he dragged his hips back, chuckling lightly at the sound Liam made in response.

“Gonna come,” Liam sighed, cupping Zayn’s ass, pulling him.

Reaching down between them, Zayn wrapped his hand around Liam, bring him closer and closer to the edge as he leaned back slightly, the change in angle making Liam cry out.

Seconds later the man was coming, hands clenched tightly in the cotton sheets as he painted Zayn’s fingers and his own stomach white, biting his lips bloody to stay silent. Awed by the way Liam’s stomach flexed, his ass milking Zayn as Liam stumbled through his orgasm, Zayn allowed himself more leeway, increasing his rhythm as Liam whimpered with every touch.

The feeling of Liam’s soft lips pressing sloppy open mouthed kiss to his neck was enough for Zayn to come, eyes screwed shut as he forced himself silent. His arms shook from the weight of his own body, the last of his thrusts a little frantic as he dragged out his orgasm, the feeling of Liam so warm and tight around him simply heavenly.

When he finally felt whole again, the faze in his mind lifting, Zayn covered Liam’s body with his own, blanketing the bigger man comfortably. Gentle fingers brushed over the dip of his spin, trailing up his body until they threaded through his hair, a content sigh ghosting across the shell of his ear.

“Should I go so Mezi isn’t confused in the morning?” Liam asked softly as he wrapped an arm around Zayn’s waist, his movements on obvious contradictions to the question he’d ask.

Eyes closed, his brain still buzzing from his orgasm, Zayn shook his head, burying his face into the crook of Liam’s neck.

“Please stay,” Zayn quietly said as he traced his fingers along the lines of Liam’s abdomen, marveling at the man’s beauty. “He likes you, he’ll be happy to see you’re still here.”

Zayn forced himself to look up at Liam when the other man remained silent. Liam looked down at him happily, releasing a breath he’d been holding as his fingers danced over Zayn’s sweaty skin.

“I like him too,” Liam smiled, kissing Zayn’s forehead in a gesture that almost felt too intimate, which was ironic considering the fact they were both naked, tangled around one another.

Grinning back, Zayn pushed himself away, shivers running up his spin as Liam’s whimpered at the lost, looking slightly like a lost puppy as Zayn threw out the condom.

“Just getting a wet towel,” promised Zayn as he stood, legs still slightly shaking as he marched towards the bathroom. He could feel Liam’s eyes on him, following the curve of his naked body. And it wasn’t exactly like him to expose himself, but for some reason he felt confident, swaying his hips a little more than usual to enthral Liam further.

When he returned, Liam’s eyes were closed, a meager smile on his lips as his chest heaved with every breath. Zayn took his time to admire the man before kneeling on the bed, cleaning Liam lazily until the man’s eyes opened, beckoning forward.

Zayn went easily, crawling over Liam, suddenly feeling small as the man’s arms encircled him.

“It’s barely 10 on a Friday night,” Zayn mumbled, lips catching along Liam’s chest. “But I don’t want to do anything but lie in your arms.”

“I’m not complaining,” Liam said as he tipped Zayn’s chin up, kissing his mouth sweetly, before closing his eyes again, allowing sleep the attention it demanded.

Time slipped by quickly, Liam breathing falling into a rhythmic pattern as he slept comfortably, curling himself into Zayn’s body as if he did this every day.

“I like you too,” whispered Zayn, pressing a kiss over Liam’s heart before closing his own eyes, hoping that one day he’d have the chance to say it without restraint.


	5. Chapter 5

Zayn was awoken to warm hands gliding along his naked stomach, curling around his hip as he felt himself being moved easily, curling into a strong, muscular body. He could smell Liam’s familiar cologne as he buried his nose in the man’s chest, inhaling deeply as Liam chuckled.

“Good morning,” Liam whispered, voice sounding like a melody to Zayn’s ears as he stretched lazily, the sheets falling from his body.

“Morning,” mumbled Zayn, cuddling even closer as he wrapped an arm around Liam’s waist, sighing contently. “What time is it?”

“Bit after 7,” replied Liam, his fingers twitching as he let them trailed down Zayn’s naked back, teasing the dimples that sat just above his ass. “He’s still sleeping, if you’re wondering.”

Zayn hummed in response, glad he could enjoy the moment for a few more minutes before Mezrhad woke up, demanding his attention.

“It snowed,” Liam said after a minute of silence, his voice filled with a childish glee that had Zayn smiling. “D’you think I could take Mezi out to build a snowman?”

Unable to stop himself, Zayn rolled over onto his back, a bubbly laugh resonating through the room. “I’m naked in bed and all you can think about is taking my son out to build a snowman,” whined Zayn, looking up at Liam with a smirk. “I should be offended but I really can’t be.”

A pink tint spread across Liam’s cheeks as he shrugged, moving quickly to straddle Zayn, pinning his arms above his head.

“Don’t laugh at me,” grinned Liam, a look of mock offence on his face as he leaned down, nibbling his way along Zayn’s jaw, rolling his hips which had Zayn sighing in pleasure.

“I think he’d love to build a snowman with you,” Zayn conceded when Liam’s tongue started tracing the lines of his tattoos, making his moan lewdly.

Suddenly, loud music resonated through the walls of the bedroom, almost shaking the bed as Zayn groaned, pressing his face into the warm pillow.

“What’s happening?” Liam asked as he pulled away, a confused expression etched into his face.

“Mezi never gets out of bed without me,” Zayn explained, sitting up so he could kiss Liam’s lips quickly, extracting himself from under the man’s warm presence. “This is his way of telling me he’s awake so I can come and get him.”

Walking to his dresser, Zayn pulled on a pair of clean joggers, throwing a similar pair in Liam’s direction.

“I’m sorry about this,” he started, feeling guilty as he could visibly see Liam’s erection straining in his boxers but Liam interrupted him quickly, slipping into the offered joggers as he stood.

“Nothing to be sorry about babe,” said Liam as he smoothed his hand down Zayn’s jaw, fingers getting caught in the day old stubble. “Your son comes first, always.”

Nodding, Zayn leaned forward, showing Liam how grateful he was for his understanding in a short yet heated kiss.

“Go,” Liam exhaled when they pulled apart, looking sinfully needy.

It was practically painful for Zayn to peal himself away from Liam, walking hurriedly across the hallway and into Mezi’s room, smiling brightly at his son. He turned the music off as he went, hearing Liam walk past the boy’s bedroom at the same time.

All the while, Mezrhad sat patiently in his bed, blankets still wrapped around himself, clutching his plush money tightly. The boy had managed to slip on his glasses by himself, traces of sleep still marking his skin as he clapped his hands together as Zayn approached him.

“How’s my little Beta this morning?” inquired Zayn, easily lifting the boy into his arms as he opened the curtains, revealing the snowy scenery.

Instantly the boy’s face lit up in amazement, small hands reaching towards the window before he turned towards Zayn, eyes sparkling with fascination.

“Do you like snow?” Zayn asked, realizing he had no idea if his son in fact enjoyed snow. He remembered as a kid hating it, preferring to stay inside with his mother and drink hot chocolate than to play with his sister’s in the cold. He’d always been a little of an outsider, preferring the quiet and the uniqueness of his own mind rather than the presence of others.

But Mezi seemed excited at the prospect of snow, nodding agitatedly, pointing towards his closet as if asking Zayn for clothes.

“Later,” agreed Zayn, rubbing the boy’s small stomach. “You have to eat first, so you can be big and strong.”

For a second Zayn was certain the boy was about to speak, his lips moving as if he was saying words but no sound could be heard. Zayn encouraged Mezi to repeat himself, running a comforting hand up and down the boy’s back as he walked into the living.

“What did you say Beta?” he asked, hoping Mezi would say it again.

Yet, the boy seemed distracted, eyes falling on Liam who waved from the kitchen, a cup of smoldering hot coffee inches from his lips. Zayn stepped closer to the man, allowing Mezi to sit on the edge of the counter as he watched Liam shyly, a deep blush settling on his pudgy cheeks.

The small boy didn’t seem confused by Liam’s presence, rather happy and a little reserved as he looked down as his pyjama, tugging the edge of the shirt between his tiny fingers.

“That’s such a cool shirt,” Liam cooed as he handed Zayn his cup of coffee, before planting himself in front of Mezi, inspecting the Spiderman design. “I wish I had one too.”

Tucking his chin into his chest, Mezi smile widened even more, cheeks almost burning red as he put his hands out, thumbs up, signing the word _share_ before pointing to himself and then Liam.

“What did he just do?” Zayn questioned quickly when he realized the sign Mezi had done obviously meant something to Liam who had thanked the boy in return.

“He signed that he’d share with me,” explained Liam, rubbing the back of his neck like he’d done when he was previously uncomfortable. “I showed all the kids a few words from the ASL, figured it might make things easier.”

“Why didn’t I think of that?,” mumbled Zayn, falling easily into the embrace Liam offered, needing the support as he whined into the man’s chest, the constant feeling of being a failure returning.

“Because you have a lot on your mind,” Liam responded, kissing the top of his head as he smiled at Mezi, the boy’s face twisted with worry as he watched Zayn fold himself into Liam’s body, looking so small and vulnerable.

“I’m ok,” Zayn said, forcing a meager smile on his lips, reaching out to run his hand along Mezi’s cheek in a soothing gesture. “Do you want some Nutella fairy bread?”

Mezrhad seemed to assess his father for a minute, head tilted to the side as his eyes furrowed in concentration, tongue between his teeth until he nodded, pressing both his hands to his chest.

“Yes yes, you can put the sprinkles,” smiled Zayn, untangling himself from Liam who ran an encouraging hand up down his back before pulling away, settling behind the counter as he sipped his coffee quietly.

The boy clapped happily, crawling on the counter until he could open the cabinet, taking out three large containers filled with colored sprinkles that were reserved for weekend breakfast.

Zayn watched his son attentively, making sure Mezi stayed away from the edges of the counter as not to fall before he started the toast. He then allowed his eyes to linger on Liam, the shirt the man had adorned from the previous night stretched tightly over his body. It had Zayn’s mind flashing back threw their heated encounter, holding back a moan as he turned away from the man.

When the toaster buzzed, Zayn took the grilled bread out, spreading a good dose of Nutella on it before bringing it to Mezi who was still sitting on the counter, head leaning on Liam’s shoulder. The image had Zayn’s heart hurting for a minute, the possibilities of what this could entail endless; but rather than marveling in the moment, rather than getthing lost in the overwhelming feeling of love he felt, Zayn reached out for the jar of sprinkles, opening it quickly as he asked for Mezi’s hand.

The boy cupped his hands together excitedly, gaping at the amount of sugary little balls Zayn poured in his tiny palms. When Zayn capped the jar once more, Mezi looked up at him, as if asking if he could let go. Making sure the plate was directly under the boy’s hands, Zayn nodded, watching as his son poured the candy over the toast.

“One Nutella fairy bread for this little rascal,” announced Zayn, tickling the boy’s stomach as he cut the toast into 4 squares, offering it to Mezi. “Eat up babe, then we can go play with the snow.”

Eyes wide at Zayn’s words, Mezi shoved a piece of toast in his mouth, smearing Nutella all over his face as little candy sprinkles fell over the counter.

Bursting out laughing, Zayn scolded Mezi lightly, make sure he took his time before picking up the excess candy.His eyes met Liam’s as he cleared the counter, the other man watching from behind Mezi, a glowing expression on his face.

“You’re adorable together,” Liam said quietly, his hand laying on the counter turning palm up, asking for Zayn’s touch.

Looking at his boy for a second, Zayn thought of what it meant if he allowed Liam to touch him now, if he gave in to his heart’s desires and held the man’s hand while they watched his son have breakfast.

Cursing himself in his mind, Zayn grinned, laying his hand on top of Liam’s as the man intertwined their fingers.

“You fit right in,” Zayn admitted, unable to look at Liam. On the contrary he kept his eyes focused on Mezi, brushing the boy’s hair out of his face as his son only smiled wider, shoving more of his breakfast into his mouth.

“Glad you think so,” Liam replied, as he stood, walking around the counter until he stood behind Zayn.

Shivering at the touch, Zayn leaned back into Liam, pressing his back to Liam’s chest as big arms wrapped around him, Liam’s chin settling on his shoulder.

“Niall and Louis are coming over later,” Zayn said as Mezi finished the third piece of his toast, sucking his fingers greedily until there were no traces of chocolate left. “You could stay if you wanted, get to know them and what not.”

“Would you really want that?” questioned Liam, dropping his hand over Zayn’s stomach before reaching out towards Mezi, accepting the offered piece of toast the boy held out for him.

Biting into it, giving an exaggerated moan that had Mezi giggling loudly, Liam returned his hand to Zayn’s stomach, applying a delicious pressure. Turning in Liam’s arms, Zayn kissed the man’s lips, tasting the hazelnut flavored spread that covered Liam’s uniqueness taste.

“Yeah, it’s what I want,” Zayn breathed as he pulled away, cuddling into Liam’s chest as he watched his son glowing in happiness from the counter, clapping his hands as Liam ate the last piece of fairy bread.

Little did Liam know, Mezi never shared his fairy bread with anyone, not even Zayn.


	6. Chapter 6

Zayn was more than happy when he finally stepped into his flat, throwing his gloves to the ground so he could rub his hands together, creating much needed heat. His cheeks were burning from the cold even though he’d been wrapped up in a huge scarf, his eyes barely visible behind the thick wool.

He hated the cold more than anything in the world, and he simply couldn’t afford to get sick at the moment. Liam had laughed at him when Zayn had added earmuffs over Mezi’s hat, before pulling the boy’s hood on and wrapping a long scarf around his tiny neck.

“He can’t even move,” Liam had laughed as he’d signed for Mezi to turn around. The boy had stumbled uneasily, barely able to turn on himself, even less to walk do to the amount of clothes Zayn had layered on him. Mumbling to himself, Zayn had proceeded to strip a few layers off of Mezi until the boy’s movements were normal.

Then, they had all marched towards the park that was two streets down, tumbling in the fluffy snow as they went. Mezi had squealed in delight when Liam had rolled a gigantic ball for the base of their snow man, adding another smaller one to the top for the torso. Liam had then helped Mezi to roll a smaller ball for the head, the little boy’s face etched in concentration as he added the finishing touched on the man snowman.

Unable to stop himself, Zayn had snapped a few pictures with his phone of Mezi making snow angels, Liam mimicking the boy with just as much enthusiasm. Zayn couldn’t help but think how nice it would be if this was part of his daily routine, if he could enjoy Liam’s presence and yet still play with his son, not having to choose either or. It was also nice to know that when Zayn’s feet were frozen and he could barely move, Liam was glad to stay outside with Mezi who begged to stay out a little longer.

So Zayn had opted to head back to the flat to start on a late lunch, grilled cheese and tomato soup with some hot chocolate for dessert. The sandwiches were just about ready when Liam walked through the front door, a wildly animated Mezi sitting on his shoulders. The minute the boy’s feet touched the ground he was rushing towards Zayn, boot clad feet dragging snow through the flat but Zayn couldn’t bring himself to be angry, his little boy simply too happy to show him more pictures Liam had taken of the snow man.

“I think he’s found a new hobby in taking pictures,” called Liam from the doorway as he ruffled the snow out of his hair, the sting of the cold marking his cheeks with a beautiful red blush.

“That would come from his mom,” mumbled Zayn uncomfortably as he flipped the grilled cheeses, helping Mezi into his seat before looking up at Liam. “She was the school photographer.”

“You can talk about her,” replied Liam as he stepped forth, pressing a gentle kiss to Zayn’s lips before helping him set the table, the bowls of soup steaming with heat. “It might help and I don’t mind it. Mezi should remember her.”

Zayn knew Liam was right. Liam really had no reason to be jealous considering the lack of relationship Zayn and Sama had before Mezi was born and even then, things were so completely different with Liam, then they had been with Sama.

Everything between them seemed to occur as if it was meant to be, so smooth and effortless. Zayn only then realized he had in fact accepted Liam’s kiss like it was a daily habit, something so simple and lovely that neither of them actually thought about. It was so easy to get lost in the distant reality Liam offered and yet Zayn had to remember the importance of his past. Sama had worked so hard for Mezrhad to know Zayn long before they had ever met, it was only normal that Zayn made sure their son remembered her long after she was gone.

“I’d love for him to learn photography,” admitted Zayn, remembering how Sama’s parents had offered him her old camera, but he’d rightfully declined, saying he really wasn’t entitled to anything. “I can’t really afford it right now though.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Liam said as he smiled down at Mezi, pushing the bowl of soup towards the boy who dropped the phone in his lap, quickly sipping at his soup before munching on his grilled cheese.

“It’s not really for you to figure out,” Zayn blurted out, sitting across from Mezi, as he watched his son eat, his tiny hand outstretched so it was holding Liam’s bigger one. “You don’t have to buy him things you know. I don’t want you to think I want you here so you can take care of my son and buy him things because I’m a shit father and can’t do it on my own.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” retorted Liam, sounding a little offended as he squeezed Mezi hand, as if seeking reassurance from the boy. “I’m here because I like you, and your son is a part of you so I want to help you. You’re not a shit father, I would never think that. You’re one of the most amazing parents I’ve ever met.”

Rather than answer, Zayn dipped his head in agreement, feeling an unpleasant ball grow in his stomach as he ate his soup silently, nothing but Mezrhad’s light humming brightening the room.

When they were all finished eating, Liam proposed they watched a movie, the fireplace roaring in the small living room as they all settled in, a fridge feeling winding in despite the heat of the fireplace.

Zayn made some popcorn and hot chocolate to forgo sitting near Liam, choosing to sit on Mezi’s other side rather than tucked into the man’s arms like he had on most nights. Zayn’s decision didn’t go unnoticed, Liam’s brow raising into a frown as the man accepted the hot chocolate with a muted thanks.

As the movie started, Mezrhad slid to the ground, lying on his tummy with his hands tucked under his chin as he watched attentively. Zayn could feel Liam’s eyes on him, tracing every inch of him questioningly. Unable to handle it any longer, Zayn excused himself, stating he had to start a load of laundry.

Mezi barely noticed his departure, solely focused on the movie but Liam’s gaze followed Zayn intently until he closed the door to the bathroom behind himself, sighing in frustration as he leaned back against the wooden door.

He hadn’t meant to snap at Liam about something so trivial as Liam offering his help. Zayn knew perfectly well that Liam only meant to be supportive, that everything he did was out of the kindness of his heart and yet Zayn found himself on the defensive, feeling slightly like a cornered animal. He’d never been very good at relationships, usually going for the quick and easy fucks so he could concentrate on having fun with his friends and getting decent grades in school.

 But with Liam everything was different, everything felt so serious and yet normal. It was frightening to feel so comfortable with someone he’d met barely a month ago, falling into the man’s arm like it was a home he could grow old in.

A light knock on the door brought Zayn out of his mental turmoil as he shuffled away from the door, opening it quickly as he thought Mezi might need to use the bathroom. On the contrary, the minute the door was open, Liam managed to slip in, closing the door behind himself as he pinned Zayn’s back to it, crowding him in.

“I think we need to talk,” whispered Liam, his hands on either side of Zayn’s head, caging Zayn in and yet Liam looked completely soft, not a hint of anger in his voice.

“I know,” Zayn sighed in reply, bowing his head so he didn’t have to look up at Liam. He didn’t want to see the warmth in Liam’s eyes, the utter admiration and love that always shinned so bright; because truth was, even if their relationship was still fairly knew, it was undeniable the amount of love between them that reached far beyond attraction.

Yet as usual, Liam was insistent, never allowing Zayn to say bad things about himself and even less to think them. Zayn felt Liam’s fingers tilting his chin up, forcing their eyes to meet as Liam smiled sweetly.

“I didn’t mean to impose in your relationship with Mezi,” admitted Liam, looking slightly guilty which Zayn simply couldn’t allow. Lurching forth, he pressed his mouths to Liam’s, silencing the words he didn’t want to hear, working his fingers through the man’s hair to pull him even closer, a sudden demanding pressure coursing through his body.

“You’re not imposing,” Zayn breathed when they pulled apart, both men looking at each other as they panted, breathless and shaking from the burning kiss. “I just need to accept the fact that I can’t do everything on my own and that I’m lucky enough to have you here to help me.” 

“Let me help you relax,” groaned Liam, a sinful look on his face as he pushed his leg in between Zayn’s own, applying just the right amount of pressure to have Zayn moaning.

“We shouldn’t,” reasoned Zayn, running his hands up Liam’s back in a contradicting manner, pulling the man closer because he needed more, needed to get out of his own head and forget his responsibilities for a minute.

Liam seemed to know exactly what he’d meant, kissing Zayn quickly before dropping to his knees, tugging Zayn’s jeans down in one swift movement. Zayn’s legs almost gave out at the sight, Liam’s cheeks still tinted from the cold, his stubble giving his jaw a sharp edge as he leaned in, ghosting his lips across Zayn’s dick teasingly.

It didn’t take very long for Liam’s touch to become serious however as he sucked the head of Zayn’s cock with more intent, taking him further into his mouth.

Grunting, his lips already bloody from the fact that he was trying to stay silent, Zayn weaved his fingers into Liam’s hair. He couldn’t help but thrust up into the warmth of Liam’s mouth, hips bucking as Liam allowed him free reign. Looking up at him through his lashes, Liam seemed to nod, understanding perfectly well what Zayn needed, Breathing deeply as he pulled away, Liam jerked Zayn off quickly, brushing his mouth along his fingers before pushing himself down Zayn’s sick again, opening his throat to allow the intrusion.

And Zayn took that as an open invitation, thrusting quickly in Liam’s mouth, already so close to his own orgasm. As he closed his eyes, knowing he had to be silent, Liam changed his technique, adding more pressure as kept sucking with fever. What Zayn had not expected however was for Liam to run his finger along the crease of his ass, pushing at his hole teasingly. The movement had Zayn crying out, hands fisting in Liam’s hair as he came down the man’s throat, lost in his own release.

Quickly there was a hand covering his mouth, arms encircling his waist holding him up as Zayn sagged against the door, blinking up at Liam through hooded eyes.

“Didn’t know you’d react so strongly,” Liam said, sounding somewhat apologetic but the smirk on his face had Zayn smiling in a daze.

Rather than answer, his brain still a little foggy, Zayn pushed himself on the tip of his toes, kissing Liam intently as he tasted himself on the man’s tongue.

“Everything is just heightened when it’s you doing it,” admitted Zayn, listening out carefully for Mezi, making sure the boy was still watching the movie.

But Zayn didn’t have time to hear Liam’s response. Almost simultaneously as Liam opened his mouth to reply, Zayn heard the front door slamming open, Louis’s piercing voice coming through to announce his arrival. Niall’s laughed followed quickly behind, Mezi yelping in surprise as he no doubt fell into his uncles’ embraces.

Giving Liam an apologetic smile, Zayn quickly worked his zipper up, fixing his hair in the mirror before opening the door, stepping out into the hallway.

“There you are,” Niall called out, approaching Zayn to envelop him in a hug before pulling away, looking at him questioningly “Were you running a marathon in there mate, you look winded.”

At the exact same time, Liam walked out of the bathroom, his hair slightly out of place as he smiled awkwardly at Niall and Louis.

His arrival sent Niall in a giggling fit, Louis joining in rapidly when he realized what had been happening. Mezrhad on the other hand walked up to them looking confused, watching his uncles leaning against one another as they laughed like hyenas.

Rolling his eyes, Zayn stepped forth, lifting Mezi into his arms as he went back towards the kitchen. “How’s pizza for dinner Beta?” he asked, ignoring his friend’s consistent laughter.

The boy nodded enthusiastically, rubbing his tummy as Zayn sat him down on the counter, reaching for the menus above the refrigerator. He kept his eye on Mezi rather than his friends, refusing to watch them tease Liam restlessly, figuring that if Liam was to stick around he was going to have to get use to Niall and Louis’s banter sooner or later.

\--

By the time the pizza man dropped off four large pizzas, the boys had ceased their teasing, settling into a FIFA tournament that was accompanied by cheap beer. Mezi found himself drawing next to Louis, his small head often coming to rest on his uncle’s thigh as he sighed contently, watching the television with interest until his imagination lead him back to his drawing.

They all ate without plates, grease finger stains brushed against their clothes as they kept playing, Liam abandoning his place to sit with Mezi, a fork and knife to cut the small boy’s food. Zayn watched with a wide smile, unable to look away as Liam helped Mezi with the knife, positing it so the boy could learn how to cut his own food.

“You’re so far gone,” Louis said as he bumped their shoulders, sliding into the spot Liam had just deserted.

And Zayn didn’t even deny it as he shrugged, taking another bite of his pizza, keeping his eyes on Liam and Mezi in admiration.

\--

After Zayn had settled Mezi into bed for the night, small snores being heard from beyond the semi-shut door, the four men sat in the living room with a few more beers, all a little past sobriety.

“Truth or dare, Niall?” asked Louis, feet propped up in Liam’s lap as if he’d known the man for years. Yet, Liam had fallen into the circle of friends easily, accepting Niall’s consistent touching and Louis’s lack of boundaries.

“Dare,” replied Niall without thought, downing his beer as Louis smirked.

“Shove an ice cube down your pants, and you can’t take it out until its melted,” Louis called back, laughing loudly as Niall’s eyes widen.

“Why do your dares always endanger me manhood,” whined Niall as he stood, making his way towards the kitchen only to return with the entire tray of ice cubes. Without further instruction, he emptied the content in his pants, yelping out at the touch.

“Oh my god,” howled Louis, holding his stomach as he laughed loudly, Zayn and Liam joining in as the blond boy paced around the living room, groaning uncomfortably.

“I said in your pants, not in your boxers,” wheezed Louis, tears staining the corners of his eyes as Niall grumbled, rushing for the bathroom.

He came back a few minutes later wearing a pair of Zayn’s joggers and a defeated look on his face.

“You’re horrible, mate,” he said as he settled next to Louis, wrapping his arm around the man as he kissed his cheek. “I’ll make you pay for that.”

Rubbing the kiss away, Louis rolled his eyes at the same time he clapped his hands. “Since Niall didn’t succeed it’s still my turn. Liam, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Liam replied with a shrug, his fingers running an unconscious pattern over Zayn’s skin, something Zayn realized the man did when he got nervous about Louis or Niall’s questions. It was obvious Liam was trying to fit into their group and playing into Louis’s games without question was another part of it.

“Why is there a child seat in your car?” Louis asked immediately, the lack of reflection time making Zayn glare at his friend. It was apparent Louis had already thought out the question and was using the game to interrogate Liam; but as always Liam didn’t even blink at the question, tapping his finger along Zayn’s wrist as he replied. “It’s for my sister’s daughter.  She’s about Mezi age and I go and get her once in a while at ballet rehearsals and it was just easier for me to get my own car seat than to try and get my sister’s every time I went to pick up my niece.”

Louis grunted at the reply, looking slightly taken a back at Liam’s quick explanation, obviously expecting a different reaction.

“You know if you want to ask me questions because it’s your friendly duty. feel free,” Liam added, turning towards Zayn to peck his lips sweetly. It was the first real demonstration of affection they’d done over the night, usually sticking to small touches or lingering gazes. But this kiss was almost assertive, showing the intent with which Liam was entering this relationship. As he pulled away Liam smiled at Zayn, running his thumb along Zayn’s bottom lip. “I have nothing to hide.”

“I know,” whispered Zayn in reply, leaning in to rest his head against Liam’s shoulder, watching Niall and Louis’s expressions as they assessed them closely.

After a beat of silence, Louis let out a rowdy laugh. “I like this one,” he stated easily, sipping at his beer before Niall turned to Liam, a very serious expression on his face.

“So how good is Zayn at sucking dick, then?” he asked, the blond’s face immediately splitting into a shit eating grin as Zayn threw him a pack of empty of crisps, cuddling into Liam’s chest that rumbled with laughter.

 _This could work,_ thought Zayn as he closed his eyes for a minute, sighing contently into his beer as Liam wrapped a strong arm around him, making him feel safe and at home.  


	7. Chapter 7

By the time December rolled around, they had all fallen into a simple routine. Every other night, Liam would sleep over at Zayn’s flat, bringing Mezi to school in the morning so Zayn could have more time to study. Liam would also drive Mezi to the comic book store after school, bringing Zayn supper during his break so he and his son could have some time together.

 After that Liam would drive Mezi home, make sure his bath was taken by the time Zayn came home so they could then spend some time all together. And Zayn never really questioned how natural it felt to come home to Liam in his flat, the smell of Bolognese cooking and Mezi squealing in the bathtub.

By the time Mezi was sleeping, all three of them cuddled in the single bed reading a story, the night had fallen, covering the snowy streets in darkness.

On the days there as too much snow, or it was too cold to go out, Zayn would prevent Liam from leaving, claiming he needed his boyfriend’s strong arms to lull him to sleep. Liam usually accepted without a fight, as they both knew he had no desire to go home. In fact, Liam’s apartment had become all but barren, the man only returning there to sleep once in a while, or receiving his sister on quick visits as she brought her daughter for Liam to babysit.

Zayn hadn’t met Nicola yet, or Ruth but it was mainly his own fault. Every time the opportunity presented itself, Zayn argued that it was too soon, that Liam should enjoy the time with his family. Yet the minute Liam left, Zayn found himself clutching Mezi in his arms, wishing Liam was still there with them.

Some nights however, Liam would wait for Zayn’s shift to be over, bringing him and Mezi home at the same time.  On those nights, they all went about their lives as an ensemble, moving around one another as if they had done so for years, brushing their teeth as Liam tapped Mezi’s nose because the little boy sent peppermint splatters all over the place.

Tonight was no different than any other night. Zayn walked into the warm flat, a fire crackling in the living room as he made his way to the kitchen where soft music played. Liam was behind the stove, stirring something that smelled delicious as Mezi sat quietly at the counter, homework spread out over the marble surface.

“Hey Beta,” smiled Zayn as he leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of Mezi’s head. “How was school today?”

Raising both his arms in front of him, Mezi signed the single word great, head falling against Zayn’s stomach as the boy’s hand tightened in Zayn’s shirt.

“You tired babe?” Zayn asked, working his fingers gently through Mezi’s soft hair, looking up to see Liam smiling at him.

Wording a silent hello to Liam, Zayn glanced back down at Mezi, seeing the boy nod slightly.

“How about we brush our teeth and head to bed then?” Zayn questioned, picking the boy up who nodded again, hiding his face in the crook of Zayn’s neck.

Zayn settled with the boy’s weight on his hip, swaying from side to side as he kissed Liam’s lips quickly. “Did you have a nice day?”

Liam hummed out a happy _yes_ , pressing his mouth to the side of Zayn’s neck that was free. “Wanted to ask you something over dinner, got us some wine for when the little solider is asleep.”

“Should I be worried?” Zayn wondered, stepping even closer until Liam’s hand slid down his back, comforting and anchoring.

“Never,” breathed Liam, kissing him again. “How about you put Mezi to bed and I’ll just finish up here.”

Nodding, Zayn let go of Mezi who reached out for Liam, demanding goodnight kisses before the little boy was back on his feet, hurrying towards the bathroom. Zayn watched the boy go as his own lips still tingled from the touch of Liam’s mouth against his.

“Thank you,” whispered Zayn, fingers tangling in Liam’s flannel shirt as he pressed his forehead to the man’s chest, sighing when Liam’s arms wrapped around his shoulders instantly. “I couldn’t do this without you.”

“You could,” countered Liam, large hands rubbing up and down Zayn’s back. “But I’m more than happy to be here, with you and your son.”

And the only thing Zayn could think of as he leaned away, kissing Liam again before walking to the bathroom where Mezi was brushing his teeth was that Mezi wasn’t just  _his_ son anymore, he was Liam’s too.

\----

“He’s already sleeping,” Zayn said as he sat down at the kitchen table, taking in the beautiful set up Liam had made. There were two candles in the center of the table, reflecting bright colors from the crystal wine glasses that were filled with rich burgundy liquid. In each their plate was some long grain rice, chicken curry and some steamed veggies, reminding Zayn of his mother’s cooking as he smiled. Liam had asked for the recipe a few weeks ago, practicing restlessly and refusing Zayn any access to the food until he got it just right; apparently, he had finally managed to make it as he wanted.

“You didn’t have to do all this,” Zayn mumbled taking his fork as he took the first bite, moaning instantly. “But god, it’s perfect.”

Grinning back, obviously enjoying the praise, Liam took a bite of his own food, sipping his wine. “I love cooking for you, and I thought we needed something nice, something special for a night.”

“I know its hard with Mezi,” started Zayn, feeling as though he should apologize for being unable to offer Liam more of an actual couple’s relationship. Everything they did always included Mezi, watching movies usually meant watching Disney films, and any activities on the weekends were usually child oriented. They never really got to do the dating thing, like romantic dinners and strolls in the park and Zayn felt as though it wasn’t fair to Liam to be burdened with his fatherly duties.

“Don’t apologize for your son,” interrupted Liam, frowning at Zayn who sipped his wine, knowing Liam hated when he started feeling guilty for taking care of Mezi over Liam.

“Mezi comes first, and I couldn’t be happier with our relationship,” promised Liam, eyes cast down for a minute as if he was suddenly nervous. “I actually wanted to ask something, something about Christmas.”

It was rare that Liam looked shy when talking to Zayn, usually very assertive of what he said or asked. The man’s sudden nervousness had Zayn doubling over in attention, trying to act casual as he took a sip of his wine, while deep down, butterflies bloomed in his stomach.

“I know you don’t technically celebrate Christmas,” started Liam as he fiddled with his fork, pushing a piece of chicken around in his plate until Zayn’s hand settled over his wrist, an encouraging squeeze making him stop. “Well, I was going to go home, to Wolverhampton to see my parents and I was thinking maybe you and Mezi could come with me. And we could like, celebrate together, as a family.”

Zayn was slightly taken aback by the question, dropping his fork onto his plate with a loud clatter that had Liam wincing.

“It was just a thought,” Liam quickly added, removing his hand from under Zayn’s as if the touching was burning his skin.

Pushing away from the table, Zayn ran a hand through his hair, his throat feeling tight as his mind spun through the endless possibilities that all depended on his reaction. He didn’t really care about Christmas, didn’t really care about Santa Claus and all that but he knew the importance of Liam bringing him home to meet his parents. Zayn knew the monumental step it was for him to bring Mezi into someone else’s family, to let them marvel at his son, to let his son get attach. It was the most terrifying thing in the world, like standing above a cliff and waiting to fall. Yet all Zayn could see in the ocean beneath him was Liam. It was the way the man laughed, so warm and deep, the way his arms wrapped around Zayn exactly at the right moment to keep him safe and happy, it was the way Liam took care of Mezi as if he was his own.

Their loves stood in the millions of details of their routine life. It was so easy to see, the fact that they already formed a family and all Zayn had to do was accept, to fall into the abyss of Liam’s offer and hope for the best. He had to trust Liam with his heart, and the truth was, he already did. The day he’d let Liam leave alone with Mezi for the first time was the day he’d fallen in love.

Tuning over to face Liam, Zayn smiled, brushing the small tears that had escaped Liam’s eyes as he waited for Zayn to answer.

“We’re already a family,” he whispered, slipping between Liam’s legs so he could look directly at him, cupping his cheeks as he tilted Liam’s face up to his own. “I’d love to come home with you and celebrate Christmas with your parents and I’m sure Mezi would too.”

“We can ask him the morning, yeah?” Liam inquired, looking hopeful as he grinned widely at Zayn, kissing the man’s wrist, the tears staining his cheeks already forgotten.

“Yeah, we can,” replied Zayn, falling easily into Liam’s embarrass who made a childish sound of delight.

After a minute Liam released him, gesturing for Zayn to take his seat, which he did, resuming his meal.

“Feels weird to eat without SpongeBob in the background or avengers figurines lingering the floor,” Liam said after a few minutes, intertwining his fingers with Zayn’s who nodded with a laugh.

“Wanna take this to the living room and put on a movie?”

“Definitely,” chuckled Zayn, taking the plates as Liam blew out the candles, cuddling into the couch tangled one on top of the other.

“This feels more like us,” mumbled Liam, mouth brushing across Zayn’s ear who shivered at the touch, burying himself further into the Liam’s chest.

“I never thought I’d have this,” admitted Zayn as the movie began, the wine making his cheeks burn, or maybe it was because of Liam. “How lucky did I get to find you, to get Mezi.”

“You’re going to give me one of those infamous Zayn Malik glares but, we’re the lucky ones,” smirked Liam when Zayn did indeed glare at him, knocking the man’s shoulder with his own before biting at his jaw.

“Are you even real, or are you part cheese?” question Zayn, “because that was cheesy as hell.”

“I’m part Gouda,” Liam said very seriously, making Zayn roll his eyes as he pinched Liam’s arm.

“You’re a dork, that’s what you are.”

“I’m _your_ dork.”

“My dork,” conceited Zayn, finishing his wine as Liam did the same, the man’s lips stains deep red, almost begging to be kissed.

“Do you think I could put up a tree here? We could make it an evening, decorated it together next Saturday night?” Liam questioned as he helped Zayn into his lap, positioning the smaller man so each of his knees cradled Liam’s body.

Zayn fell into the new position easily, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck as they shared a lingering kiss. “That would be lovely, Mezi’s been taking about decorating a tree since the first snow fall.”

“And you’ll be done your exams by then,” stated Liam, but it came out more as a grunt than anything else, Zayn’s hips rolling against his own, making him moan out in pleasure.

“I’ll be all yours,” Zayn vowed, sliding to the ground so he could kneel between Liam’s legs, the movie playing softly behind him long forgotten.

“You already are,” growled Liam, fisting his fingers through Zayn’s hair, pulling him forth for a demanding kiss, something meant to mark his territory; but Zayn didn’t complain, he only kissed Liam back and allowed himself to keep falling, completely distracted by the promises dancing on his tongue.


	8. Chapter 8

Hectic barely described the type of week they had. On Monday afternoon, Mezi started a fever that dragged itself through the day, making the little boy blurry eyed and tired. Fortunately, Liam was able to take the afternoon off, a friend of his being able to replace him at school so Liam could take care of Mezi while Zayn went to Uni for yet another final.

Luckily by Tuesday, Mezrhad was all better, bright smiles in the morning as he munched on his fairy bread, an exception Zayn had made because the sight of his sick little boy was not something he could cope with. Chocolate stained grins were much better than coughing red cheeks.

On Wednesday night, Zayn had to stay at the comic book store extra late, a pipe breaking because of the intense cold, a traitorous flood ravaging the store and its inventory for the month. And Zayn really didn’t have the time to deal with the insurance company, his last midterm only two days away. Yet leaving Louis in charge felt like a bad idea, something that would bring more trouble than help so Zayn stuck by the store, answering all the insurance man’s questions. 

By the time he got home, well past Mezi’s bedtime, even Liam was sleeping soundly, nothing but the soft light of the bedside table indicating any presence of life. Slipping into bed, Zayn grumbled uncomfortably as he wrapped himself around Liam, annoyed that he’d missed out on some precious time with his family. At least he knew that by the weekend he’d be free of school, and Mezi and Liam would be all he had to think about, which he was grateful for that.

Thursday was uneventful thankfully, Mezi spilling a glass of milk on himself when he ate some Christmas cookies he and Liam made the most dramatic thing that happened.

When Friday finally rolled around, Zayn was the happiest person in the world. The minute he stepped foot out his examination room, the world seemed to finally fall into place. The anxiety that had been crushing him for weeks vanished instantly, his entire body feeling lighter as he walked towards the tube, taking his phone out to call Liam.

“Did you ace it?” Liam asked without greeting, his voice filled with undying happiness.

“Totally,” laughed Zayn, walking down the stairs towards the underground tunnels. “I’m about to lose you cause I’m going into the tunnels but, just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Anytime,” answered Liam, a smile very evident in his voice. “I’ll pick you up at the store around 6, yeah?”

“Yeah,” replied Zayn, the connection becoming fuzzy as he stopped, wanting to say goodbye to Liam. “See you later, love.”

There was a distant sound behind Zayn that caught his attention, almost robbing him of the soft _later, babe_ Liam sing sung. The line went dead before Zayn could say anything else, the chaotic sound of the tube rushing by overwhelming his senses.

Sighing, wishing he could just go home already and cuddle with Liam till Christmas, Zayn resolved himself to sticking through one last day at work. After that he was off till the beginning of January, Louis accepting to take over most of his shifts so Zayn could go Christmas shopping in the next few days while Mezi and Liam still had school. And Niall agreed to take Zayn’s shifst after Christmas in exchange for a pizza and a pint next time they went out so Zayn could actually relax, spend some much needed time with his son, and maybe some couple’s time with Liam.

\--------

“You’re serious?” Zayn asked as he stepped into the flat coming face to face with a giant pine tree that almost touched the ceiling, the smell of it invading his nose. There were tiny like needles littering the floor, towels pushed clumsily under the tree to capture the melting snow. “I thought we were just going to get one of those plastic trees.”

A look of utter disbelief on his face, Liam tsked at Zayn as he helped Mezi out of his coat.

“Its only Christmas if we have a real tree,” argued Liam, flicking Zayn’s nose before kissing it. “You said I could get whatever I wanted.”

Grunting in reply, Zayn picked up Mezi who yawned widely, head burrowing in Zayn’s neck.

“I didn’t know you’d be such a brat,” chuckled Zayn, pressing his mouth to the top of Mezi’s head whose fingers tapped out a slow beat on his chest.

Liam turned towards Zayn, tongue snuck out as he looked just as childish as he sounded, before he stole Mezrhad out of Zayn’s arm, clutching to the boy tightly. “He’s on my side.”

Shrugging, Zayn started walking towards the bathroom, hearing Liam follow him instantly.

“He’s only on your side for the presents.”

“Maybe so,” agreed Liam as Mezi nodded at him, a cheeky grin on his face before the boy yawned again.

“I think the arcade tired him out,” Zayn said as he smoothed his finger down his son’s cheek, the boy’s long lashes fluttering close at the touch.

Humming in reply, Liam helped the boy to his feet, placing some toothpaste on his toothbrush before handing it over to Mezrhad. His feet barely holding him up, the boy pushed his toothbrush in and out of his mouth, both eyes closing shut before he was even finished. With a laugh, Zayn pulled the toothbrush out of Mezi hand, rinsing it quickly as he asked his son to spit in a cup.

Mezrhad obliged automatically, his eyes never opening as Liam grinned down, picking the boy up once more. “He’s just like you, sleeps on his feet.”

“Careful,” mumbled Zayn as he chased after Liam, entering Mezi’s room that was plunged in darkness. “Or I might sleep on my feet when we go back to our room.”

“I’ll wake you up with my tongue,” promised Liam, a sinful smile spreading on his face as he tucked Mezi in, the boy already snoring softly.

“I thought you were going home,” Zayn inquired, his body suddenly buzzing at the prospect of Liam’s tongue on him, maybe inside him.

Pushing the thought away, Zayn bent down to kiss Mezi cheek, tucking the boy in again before heading out the room. Zayn walked rapidly across the hall, stripping his shirt as he went, Liam hot on his heel after closing Mezi’s door quietly behind them.

“No clue when the plumbers due,” muttered Liam as he pushed Zayn down on the bed, immediately straddling him as he ripped his own shirt open. “I’ll head home in the morning and be back to decorate the tree later in the day.”

Sighing at the touch, Zayn nodded, grabbing the back of Liam’s neck to pull him down into a fierce kiss.

“I’m demanding celebratory sex for getting through the semester,” breathed Zayn as they pulled apart, their mouths still brushing one against another as if they were magnetized, simply unable to separate.

“You’re so demanding,” huffed Liam, grinning down as he bit his way along Zayn’s jaw, nibbling at his ear. “Maybe I should punish you.”

And there was no reply that came from Zayn’s tongue, Liam’s mouth preventing it as he swallowed down any protest, kissing Zayn until the man was breathlessly dizzy, intoxicated by Liam’s very essence.

\-------

Zayn was woken by small hands pressed to his stubbled jaw, soft finger pads dancing across his arms, no doubt tracing the numerous tattoos that stained his skin.

“Baba’s sleeping,” Zayn muttered in his sleep, holding the blankets tighter in his fist as he heard his son giggle brightly. For a minute Zayn found himself wishing Mezrhad could talk, say what he needed because the simple thought of opening his eyes right now was painful.

“Is Liam gone?” he asked, reaching out blindly until his hand fell on the boy’s waist, pulling the small body into his, welcoming the warmth.

He felt Mezi nod against his chest, the boy’s lips sending vibrations over his naked skin.

“What’s wrong Beta?” Zayn asked when Mezi’s fingers ran restless circles all over his torso, suddenly making him worried as he forced his eyes open.

But the boy in front of him was nothing but cheerful, beaming at his father as he signed a wordless, _nothing_. 

Helping his son under the blankets, Zayn wrapped his arms around Mezrhad, feeling peacefully content when the boy seemed to settle easily, drifting to sleep once more.

Zayn’s own eyes closed at the sight, lulled into slumber by Mezi’s warmth and gentle breathing.

\-------

When Zayn woke up the second time, it was early afternoon, Mezi still huddled closely to his chest, but with his eyes wide open.

Being able to sleep in felt like a blessing to Zayn, needing the much needed rest after such a chaotic examination period. He was tempted to linger in bed all day, maybe catch a movie on his laptop with Mezi babbling to himself non-coherently next to him and yet Zayn didn’t want Liam to come home to a dirty flat.

_Ironic_ , thought Zayn as he dragged himself out of bed, taking Mezi with him as he stripped them both down, tossing their clothes in the laundry before stepping into the shower. Liam considered Zayn’s flat his own now, and yet still refused to break his lease on his own place that was slowly falling apart. He kept claiming perhaps Zayn would want some space some day, or maybe they’d need the extra storage.

And Zayn chose not to push things, content with the amount of time Liam spend with him and Mezi, although he wished the man was here right now, holding Mezi under the warm water spray so Zayn could wash the boy’s hair.

\---------

After that, the day went by quickly, Zayn making French toast for Mezi and himself as they ate in the living, watching the Christmas cartoons that played on a loop. The boy then went about setting up the decorations all over the floor around the tree, unpacking the various boxes Liam had brought over. Mezi started making neat piles as he categorized all the different ornaments. The tiny flickering lights were in one corner, the tinsels in another, the bright colorful balls were still in their boxes next to the couch and the star for the top sat on the end table, just waiting to be plugged in.

At 5 o’clock sharp, Mezi sat next to the tree, short pudgy legs folded under himself with a special box of glass ornaments in hand as he waited for Liam, eyes glued to the door. The image had Zayn smiling as he cleaned around the flat, dusting quickly so he could partake in the decorating, feeling excited at the possibility of starting a family tradition.

Truth was, Zayn had never really liked Christmas, always thought it was some materialistic bullshit holiday, ruled by their consumerist society. In fact, most years he spent it smashed drunk with Niall and Louis in pubs, singing karaoke and dancing like an idiot. Yet this year felt different. For the first time, Zayn felt like he understood the meaning of Christmas, the importance of family and as cheesy at it sounded, he didn’t want to miss a second of it.

Indeed he had already planned the night out, the hot chocolate and marshmallows ready for when they were done decorating the tree, _Elf_ already propped into the DVD. All that they were missing to complete this picture perfect holiday moment was Liam.

However, by 5:30 when there was still no sign of Liam, Zayn started to worry, every text message he’d sent his boyfriend remaining unanswered as the snow outside started to fall more intensely. Yet Mezi’s smile never faltered, his tiny hands running gently the ornaments as he pushed his glasses higher on his nose.

 The boy sat in the same spot without interest in anything else, the box in his lap shaking slightly as the boy swayed from side to side with the Christmas music Zayn had started in hopes of distracting Mezrhad.

When the clock struck 6, Zayn had called Liam three times, falling on the man’s voicemail every time. With worry building in his stomach, Zayn tried to pry Mezi away from the tree but the boy refused to move, his grin faltering slightly as his chocolate brown eyes fell to his lap, bottom lip wobbling.

“How about some food?” Zayn asked, sitting next to Mezi, pushing the boy’s fringe out of his face.

Flinching at the touch, Mezi pulled away, slightly, shaking his head as his tiny hands tightened around the fragile cardboard box in his hands.

Anger suddenly filling him, Zayn stood rapidly, grabbing his phone as he went, dialing Liam’s number in a husk. He fell on the man’s voice mail again, his boyfriend’s voice on the message making him want to scream as he threw the phone against the wall, shattering it.

Unable to stop himself, Zayn paced the length of his room, hands fisting his own hair tightly as he tried to think. Never once has Liam gone without giving a sign of life for so long, and yet Zayn’s anxiety over Liam’s absence found itself overtaken by his fury.

As he walked back to the living room, Zayn’s heart dropped through his body, the sight of his little boy with tears in his eyes when the clock ticked by 7 something he never wanted to experience.  With his blood boiling, his mind fogged with anger, Zayn went to kneel next to Mezi, running a comforting hand down the boy’s back.

“We can decorate the tree tomorrow, Beta,” tried Zayn, reaching for the box Mezi was clutching to his chest but the boy’s fingers only tightened around it, almost painfully so as he shook his head violently.

“Come on babe,” Zayn encouraged, running circles down Mezi’s back. “Liam won’t be here tonight.”

At the sound of Liam’s name, the boy left out a piercing sob, his tiny hands crushing the box in his hands, the glass ornaments shattering from the force.

“Liam,” cried Mezi, hands tightly fisted in the broken shards of glass, blood seeping through the stark white cardboard almost immediately.

And Zayn sat there a little broken, the sound of his son’s voice stinging his ears as he watched helplessly as Mezi whimpered for Liam over and over again, the name plastered to every inch of their flat.

Snapping out of it, Zayn ripped the box out of Mezi’s hands, turning the boy’s palms up to inspect the damage. His heart lurched at the sight, glass cutting through the boy’s delicate skin as Mezi kept crying, calling out for Liam as tears stained his cheeks.

There was nothing Zayn could even do to comfort his son, lifting Mezi quickly into his arms as he called 911, muttering his address in an utter shocked automatism.

Mezi never stopped crying once, Liam name on the boy’s tongue every time he opened his mouth to breathe. By the time the paramedics made it to the flat, Zayn was rocking Mezi in his arms frantically, barely able to understand what the paramedic told him as he escorted them down to the ambulance, bringing them to the nearest hospital.

The night slowly faded, the snow falling heavier as Zayn sat alone in the waiting room of the emergency room, the piercing sob of Liam’s name leaving Mezi’s lips still ringing in his ears.

\--------

The first thing Zayn saw when he walked into Mezi’s hospital room was the little boy sleeping soundly, the medication they had given to him too strong for him to stay awake. Both his son’s hands were bandaged heavily, set into the boy’s lap delicately as not to be disturbed.

There had been over a dozen deep lacerations caused by the glass embedded in Mezi’s hands but the doctor assured Zayn there would be no permanent damage. Luckily, the glass hadn’t cut through any nerves, yet now Mezi still had to deal with the consequences. For the next two weeks the boy would have to wear some gauze mittens to prevent the air from touching his cuts, all while the skin closed on its own.

Zayn was utterly exhausted when he was  finally allowed to leave the hospital around midnight, his eyes barely opened as he clutched Mezi to his chest, calling a taxi because the tube seemed like a horrible idea at this time of night. He wanted nothing more than to take his son home as quickly as he could, put the boy down in his own bed so he could sleep and recuperate and forget the night had ever occurred.

Tumbling into his flat, feet catching on the carpet, Zayn sighed as he closed the door, Mezhrad still sleeping in his arms. As he turned around, he froze in place, arms stiffening around Mezi as Liam stood from the couch, a bloody ornament box in hand.

“What happened?” Liam asked, his voice sounding so tired and broken and yet all Zayn could feel was anger, pure and intense rage choking him.

“You happened,” is the only answer Zayn gave Liam as he rushed past the man, suddenly feeling as he couldn’t breathe, tears falling down his face uncontrollably.

Zayn hiccupped around a sob, glad Liam hadn’t actually followed him as he laid Mezi down in bed, pressing a kiss to the boy’s forehead. He lingered there for a minute, guilt gripping at his throat as he watched the boy’s bandaged hands. Taking a deep breath, Zayn forced himself to focus, feeling more of that anger bubble in his stomach as he got up, closing the door to Mezi’s room behind him.

Liam was still standing in the middle of the living, remnants of broken glass littered around the floor, little drops of vivid blood splattered across it.

“I can explain,” Liam said the minute his eyes fell on Zayn but Zayn just raised both hands up, interrupting Liam quickly.

“You don’t get to explain Liam,” he replied, voice ice cold as he took a step forth, barely able to control his anger. “I just spent the last few hours in the ER with my son because of you.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Liam countered rapidly, only fueling the fire that raged inside Zayn.

“YOU WEREN’T THERE,” screamed Zayn, closing his eyes as he felt bile rising in his throat, more tears falling down his face as he forced his voice to steady. “I watched my son wait for you for hours, so fucking excited to decorate this stupid tree with you and you know what happened when you didn’t fucking show, when you didn’t even bother to call?”

Shaking his head, Liam swallowed audibly, taking a step towards Zayn would step back immediately.

“He called out your name, cried out your name on repeat as his hands tightened around these stupid ornaments you gave him.”

“I’m sorry,” whispered Liam, his own brown eyes so usually bright and happy filled with anguish as tears spilled over his reddened cheeks.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it,” Zayn sobbed, another chocked whimper ripped from his throat as he wiped his face with the back of his hand, huffing in annoyance. “The first word I ever heard my son say was your name and truth is I could have lived with that, if it wasn’t for the fact that he fucking cried your name, begged for you and you weren’t there.”

Gulping for air through a pause, Zayn let his eyes linger on Liam’s face, the man’s bottom lip bloody as he bit violently at it. And Zayn remembered those lips pressed to his, the feeling of them ghosting across his skin and yet he felt nothing, just pure and utter hated.

“Truth is you could have done anything to me, used me for sex or money or a fucking flat and I wouldn’t have cared because I was so desperately in love with you that it didn’t matter, but you do not get to make my son cry. You do not get to promise him you’d be there and not show up. You didn’t even fucking call. He waited for hours and you never came,” sobbed Zayn his body giving out as he slid down the wall, clutching his knees to his chest.

“I want you out of my flat,” Zayn whispered after a minute, voice rough. “Out of my life.”

“Zayn please-,” whimpered Liam but his tone fell flat, no strength in his words.

“No one gets to hurt him Liam, do you get that? I can’t let you near him. The number one rule was he comes first.”

“And I broke that,” Liam stated, nodded to himself, wincing as if the words physically hurt him.

“He cried for you,” repeated Zayn again, burying his face in his knees, unable to hold the pain in anymore, crying loudly. And it was so heart wrenching that he thought he would break into pieces, his entire body buzzing in pain as he watched Liam nod again, dropping the box to the floor and walking out the door.

Nothing but the sound of Zayn’s heart shattering like the blood stained glass scattered across the floor could be heard through the silent winter night, the wind howling as Liam’s foot stepped echoed down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry? If it makes you feel better I cried like an idiot before, during and after I wrote this.
> 
> Come find me at romancemesomeziam.tumblr.com if you want


	9. Chapter 9

There was a humongous gap in Zayn’s weekend that was usually filled by Liam, the absence making everything Zayn did almost crippling. He felt like a zombie going around his flat, encountering all the little things that remained undone that usually Liam accomplished. When Zayn finally woke up on Sunday morning, he was curled around Mezi’s shivering form, the small boy’s face still tear stained at he looked up at Zayn pleadingly.

There was no coffee waiting for Zayn when he walked into the kitchen to make Mezi’s breakfast, no laundry started when he took Mezi to bathroom to give him a towel bath. There simply lacked everything that was Liam, and the thought was depressing, yet Zayn could still feel the anger seeithing inside him, gripping at his heart every time he saw Mezi’s bandaged hands.

The most heart wrenching thing however was the fact that Mezi remained silent, eyes on the television as Zayn picked up the previous night’s mess, the boy simply refusing to actually decorate the tree. He hadn’t said a word since he had woken up, back to nodding and signing out the answer to questions he was asked.

Yet Zayn could still hear Liam’s name resonating in the boy’s voice, the desperate cry of his son calling for the man Zayn had fallen for so quickly. It made him sick to his stomach, knowing that all this was his fault, that he’s allowed Liam into his life this quickly and in result his son was suffering.

\--------

After supper, Zayn tried to change Mezrhad’s mood, offered the boy some time at the park to make a snow man but Mezi only shook his head silently, sighing before he pressed his cheek to Zayn’s stomach. Needing to occupy his own mind, his entire body itching for a cigarette, Zayn decided to take out his art supplies, encouraging Mezi into splattering paint over a blank canvas.

The boy did in fact participate, splattering reds and blacks along the white linen canvas, a deep contrast that only reminded Zayn of broken glass and blood. Mezi seemed to have a hard time holding the paintbrush in his bandaged hands but kept going at it, brows furrowed as he concentrated on every stroke.

“Looks wicked babe,” Zayn whispered, voice suddenly tight as he could imagine Liam praising the little boy, whisking him off his chair and into the air. Zayn longed for the delighted sound’s Mezi made in Liam’s arms, the warmth of his smile when he was cuddled to Liam’s chest.

“How about we get into pyjamas and read a story before bed,” offered Zayn when Mezi hands started to quiver from the strength it took him to hold the brush up, a frustrated sigh leaving the boy’s mouth.

Nodding, Mezi dropped his paintbrush on the canvas, standing to kiss Zayn’s cheek before disappearing down the hallway into his room. Quickly, Zayn went about cleaning up the kitchen, putting his art supplies away and hanging the canvas by the chimney.

By the time he entered Mezi’s room, Zayn head was pounding with a creeping headache making its way through his body. Opening his eyes, he came face to face with Mezi patiently sitting under his blankets with a book in his lap.

At the end of the bed however was his little black suit, delicately placed where Mezi usually put the things he wanted to wear the next day.

“Why’s your suit out Beta?” Zayn asked innocently, running his fingers along the silk material. “You going to a party tomorrow where I’m not invited.”

Shaking his head again, the boy rubbed at his eyes, silent tears starting to fall again.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Zayn cooed immediately, sitting next to Mezi so he could lift the boy into his lap, careful to avoid touching the boy’s hands.

“Nana said little boys have to wear suits to funerals,” mumbled Mezi, a chocked sob coming out as he pressed his face in Zayn’s shoulder.

The sound of the boy’s voice still seemed so foreign to Zayn’s ears and yet the words rendered him speechless, wrapping himself thoroughly around his son as if to protect him from the world.

“Oh Beta,” he whispered, his own heart crushed under the amount of guilt he felt stabbing through his body. “Liam’s not gone, you’ll see him tomorrow I promise.”

“He’s not gone,” repeated the boy, tiny fists curled around the material of Zayn’s shirt in disbelief. “He didn’t take a long long walk like mama?”

“No,” replied Zayn shaking his head as he felt Mezrhad sigh in relief, the boy’s body sagging against Zayn. “You’ll see him tomorrow.”

Truth was, Zayn hadn’t planned on sending Mezi to school for the next few days, figuring the boy needed the rest and that staying away from Liam was probably best. Yet the boy’s broken smile and tear stained cheeks were not something Zayn could deal with. If that meant he had to face Liam, then he would, capping his own anger for his son’s pleasure.

The boy nodded against Zayn stomach in reply, tiny hands never loosening as he started humming to himself.

“Baba’s really happy you’re talking,” Zayn breathed after a minute, eyes shut tight as if he was afraid it was a dream, that when Mezi realized he was talking out loud he would never speak again.

Bringing his hand up to his mouth, Mezi ran his trembling gauzed fingers over his lips, eyes wide as he looked up at Zayn. “Baba.”

It was as if he had not even realized he was talking, the boy’s hand reaching out, pressing itself to Zayn’s face.

Zayn felt the tears spill over the boy’s bandaged fingers, his own tears that he hadn’t realized were falling.

“Don’t cry Baba,” smiled Mezi. “When we find Liam again, we’ll be ok.”

Nodding because he didn’t know what else to do, Zayn kissed his son’s forehead, his own heart hammering in his chest. He didn’t actually know how to tell Mezi that things were different with Liam, that it wouldn’t be that easy but for now this sufficed. Mezi’s melodic voice was enough to make Zayn believe in anything.

\-------

At 6:30 Mezi woke Zayn up, the little boy already dressed with his boots and winter coat, his scarf falling off his delicate neck as he grinned at Zayn.

“Hurry Baba,” the boy said when Zayn grumbled incoherently, his mind still lingering in the abyss of sleep. “It’s time to go to school.”

“Its too early babe,” groaned Zayn, yet pushed himself up, rubbing the sleep away as he marvelled at the high pitch sound of Mezrhad’s voice. “How about we get breakfast at the dinner by the school first?”

The small boy tilts his head at the words, as if considering the option before nodding, kissing Zayn’s cheek. “Then Liam!”

“Then Liam,” Zayn repeated, wondering if he was ready to face the man who’d broken him less than a day ago. Broken promises were simply not something that easily repairable.

\---------

The minute Zayn stepped foot inside the school, he felt his palms go sweaty, his heart stammering as he jogged slowly after Mezi.

“Slow down babe,” he called to his son, the boy turning around as he signaled for Zayn to hurry.

The closer they got to the boy’s classroom, the worst Zayn felt, obviously not ready to face Liam right away. When Mezi turned the corner into homeroom 103, Zayn felt his throat tighten, expecting to hear Liam’s booming laughter, yet after a few seconds, nothing came.

When he finally rounded the corner himself, stepping into the brightly colored room, Zayn came face to face with a man he’d seen around the school before, but Liam was nowhere to be seen.

“You must be Zayn” the man said, his voice a lot lower than Zayn expected considering the youthful blush upon the man’s face. “I’m Harry. I’ll be Mezi’s teacher until the holidays.”

“Where’s Liam?” Zayn asked, not even caring that his question might come off rudely, Harry’s hand still outstretch in from of him as a greeting to Zayn.

Huffing a laugh, the man pulled his hand back, running his long fingers through his curly hair as if suddenly nervous.

“I’m not suppose to say,” Harry grumbled, biting his lip before turning to Mezi, watching the boy’s sad eyes trace over Liam’s empty chair. “I think he’s dumb for not telling you, but he had to go home, family emergency.”

“Emergency?” questioned Zayn, crooking his finger at Mezrhad until the boy trudged up to him, chubby hands reaching for Zayn, asking to be picked up.

“He’ll kill me for telling you,” muttered Harry as he sighed dramatically, bending over before writing something on a piece of paper and handing it to Zayn. “His father had a heart attack, that’s his parents address and his mom’s phone number.”

Before Zayn could reply, Mezi’s bandaged hand pressed to stubbled jaw, demanding his attention. “Where’s Liam, Baba?”

“He went to visit his parents,” whispered Zayn, choking on regret, seeing Liam’s broken face when Zayn had kicked him out flashing through his mind. He couldn’t believe how dumb he’d been to think Liam didn’t have a drastic explanation for missing out on his promise to Mezi. There was no one in the world more attached to the little boy’s every which demand than Liam, everything the man did was to please Mezi and Zayn had doubted him.

He hadn’t given Liam the benefit of the doubt, hadn’t given him the time he needed to explain. And it was obvious Liam would never push his explanation on Zayn, he was too much of a good guy for that. Truth be told Liam was probably blaming himself, torn apart by the sight of Mezi’s bandaged hands even if it had only seen for a minute.

Holding back tears, Zayn murmured a muted thank you, walking rapidly out of the school, towards the tube station.

By the time he was seated, Mezi was babbling to himself, eyes trained on Zayn’s phone as he booked two train tickets for Wolverhampton, the departure in less than 30 minutes.

“Are we going to be a family for Christmas?” Mezrhad asked after a minute, his words ringing through the chaos of the tube and yet resonating loudly through Zayn’s head.

And Zayn knew he should probably tell the boy they were already a family. That just the two of them were the strongest of families and yet Zayn found himself swallowing around the lump in his throat, feeling exactly the same way Mezi did. They needed Liam to be complete, needed Liam to be a family.

“I hope so,” Zayn smiled down at his son, kissing Mezi’s forehead as the boy leaned into his side, closing his eyes.

“Baba and Dada,” sing sung, Mezi, making Zayn’s mind blank at the prospect.

Sitting impatiently on the train, his son tapping out a restless beat on his hand, Zayn pray Liam would find it in his heart to forgive him. To make them a family.


	10. Chapter 10

As Zayn handed the needed cash to the taxi driver, he sighed deeply. The cab rides and train tickets he had spent on over the last three days summed up to his entire Christmas budget. Without it, he wouldn’t be able to afford any present for Mezi, and yet, as he turned, reaching out for Mezi’s arm, standing in front of a modest house, he couldn’t bring himself to regret his decision.

The house was exactly what Zayn had anticipated, simple but charming, Christmas lights twinkling along the roof top as a layer of snow covered the grass. There was an old beat up car in the driveway, tread tracks leading onto the street looking freshly done. Lights from inside the home shun through the windows, indicating a sign of life as Zayn pulled Mezi along his side, up the driveway until he stood before the front door.

For a second, being here, in Liam’s home town, on his parent’s doorstep felt like a horrible idea but Mezi was obviously of a different opinion. Smiling brightly, the boy raised his bandaged hand, frowning to himself before turning sideways, knocking on the door with his elbow.

“Mezi,” warned Zayn, kneeling down to lift the boy into his arms, tapping his nose in reprimand. “We don’t knock like that, it’s rude.”

“Sorry,” mumbled the boy, looking everything but apologetic. “I wanna see Liam.”

Before Zayn could answer, the door opened, revealing a blond woman with a soft, tired smile, something elegantly motherish about her stance. “Hello,” she said, her voice almost melodic as her eyes fell on Zayn and Mezi, her grin widening knowingly. “How can I help you two?”

“I’m sorry to disturb you Ma’am,” started Zayn, his heart beating furiously as he tightened his hold around Mezi’s waist. “I’m looking for Liam Payne.”

“You must be Zayn,” she breathed, eyes shining with unshed tears as a hand came to cover her mouth, a quiet sigh clouding the frigid winter air. “And that must be Mezrhad, Oh god please come in. I’m Karen, Liam’s mother.”

Stepping aside, the woman escorted Zayn in, pushing a bulky suitcase out of the way.

“I don’t mean to bother you,” Zayn said, feeling out of place but a comforting hand was soon wrapped around his bicep, interrupting him.

“You’re not,” replied Karen, a wobbly smile on her face. “You’re family.”

Forcing a smile, Zayn swallowed around the lump in his throat, watching attentively as Mezi stretched out his bandaged hand to shake Karen’s own delicate one.

“Where’s my Liam?” asked the boy, and the woman only laughed in response, a genuine chuckle that almost seem misplaced on her tired features.

“He’s at the hospital,” Karen said, her body language suddenly tight as she reached for her winter coat, slipping into it. “Harry called, told me that you’d be on your way. I figured I should come home, pack some things for Geoff until you arrived. Liam will be so happy to see you.”

“Does he know?” Zayn questioned, following the woman without question when she opened the front door again, dragging the luggage behind her. She allowed Zayn out before locking the door, indicating for Mezi and him to get in the car with her.

“He doesn’t,” sighed Karen, starting the car swiftly when Mezi was tied at the back, Zayn sitting up front by her side. “My boy is a stubborn mule and whatever happened between you two, he refused to say. I assumed it wasn’t my place to announce your arrival if Harry called me, rather than Liam.”

Unable to answer, Zayn found himself silent as he watched the late afternoon sun disappear into the night, the last sunrays reflecting brightly along the snow.

“Is your husband ok?” he inquired after a minute, realizing that through his own selfish worry he’d forgotten the fact that this woman was going through something just as emotionally draining as he was.

With a chuckle, Karen nodded, pulling onto the highway as Mezi started babbling to himself. “Geoff is a stubborn man, just like my son” she explained, her face filled with loving admiration. “It’s not a heart attack that will bring him down.”

“I’m glad to hear,” Zayn said honestly. Even if he didn’t know this woman, didn’t know her husband, Zayn found himself wanting nothing but the best for them. He could see Liam’s genuine happiness in the woman’s laugh, the way she smiled and her eyes crinkled at the side, almost a mirror image of her son.

“Liam’s a little broken over the incident,” Karen explained as they pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. “He and his dad are pretty close, but I have a feeling he missed you.”

There were so many things that went through Zayn’s mind at the admission, his usual eloquent tongue rendered silent at the woman’s worried words.

“We missed him too,” Mezi lamented from the backseat, voice bare and vulnerable as Zayn turned around to look at his son. “Can we go see him now?”

“Of course,” responded Karen, cutting the engine of the car. She seemed so accepting of the situation, welcoming Zayn into her home, into her life that was obviously chaotic at the moment without missing a step. He knew he should feel out of place and yet he felt as though he belonged, as though he and his son had found their place.

Quickly Zayn undid his own seat belt, helping Mezrhad out of the car before following the woman inside. But Mezi was too restless to stay in Zayn’s arms, preferring to walk rapidly by Karen’s side, his clunky winter boots making a cacophonic sound as the boy trudged through the hospital.

Before Zayn could tell the boy to slow down, Mezi started to run as fast as he could, arms flailing wildlt as he called Liam’s name.

Zayn’s eyes caught up with the little boy just in time to see him jump into a man’s arm, being swept up easily into a loving embrace. And Zayn recognized Liam easily enough, the curve of the man’s body imprinted in his memory, the strong shoulders he loved so much now wrapped in Mezi’ tiny arms.

 What hurt most at the sight before Zayn however was the look on Liam’s face, pure and utter relief as he sobbed into the boy’s neck, whispering Mezi’s name over and over again, just as Mezhrad hand done for Liam two days ago.

And then something seemed to click in Liam’s head as he opened his eyes, looking over Mezi’s shoulder where Zayn stood alone, Karen having discreetly made her way into her husband’s hospital room. The man’s face hardened instantly, making Zayn wince as Liam kissed the side of Mezi’s head, depositing the boy back on solid ground.

“Go see your dad,” Liam said quietly, giving Mezi a slightly push in Zayn’s direction but the boy didn’t move an inch.

In fact, Mezi looked up at Liam with a confused look on his face, trembling lip caught between his teeth as if saying _but you’re my dad, that’s my Baba._

It was all too much for Zayn to handle, the look of guilt on Liam’s face as he kept staring at Mezi’s bandaged hands, and Mezi’s look of utter turmoil at Liam’s rejecting. Stepping forward, breaking the distance between them in a few seconds, Zayn wrapped his arms around Mezi’s waist, settling the boy on his hip before facing Liam.

“I owe you an apology,” whispered Zayn, gaze falling to the cold floor. His inability to face his own mistakes had always been a flaw of his. “I should have listened to you, known you had a good reason to miss out on something you promised Mezi.”

“Zayn stop,” interrupted Liam, bringing the man’s attention up to his face, voice stern and commanding.

Liam looked as though he was struggling with his words though, swallowing loudly as he stepped forward into Zayn’s space, crowding him in. Placing his finger under Zayn’s chin, Liam licked his lips, the birthmark at the base of his throat moving under the pressure.

“I never meant for this to happened,” exhaled Liam, eyes falling on Mezi’s hands but the small boy’s grin only widened at the attention, tiny palm settling on Liam’s unshaven cheek.

“I know,” replied Zayn as he watched Mezi kiss Liam’s face before settling his head against the man’s shoulder, yet still wrapped in Zayn’s arms. “I knew that then too, I just..”

“You needed to protect your son,” completed Liam with a nod. “I understand.”

Dipping his head in agreement, Zaym tried to rub the tears out of his eyes, puffing in frustration when they fell down his face anyways. Liam’s fingers swept the wetness away immediately, plush lips coming to settle on Zayn’s dry capped ones. It wasn’t much of a kiss, more of a broken promise; a comforting touch expressing both their utter most vulnerability.

“I love you too,” whispered Liam as he pulled away, forehead pressed to Zayn’s. “Do you want to meet my dad?”

“Are you sure?” Zayn asked, his tone just as quiet as Mezi’s weight shifted in his arms, the boy reaching out for Liam.

Letting go of Mezi to allow Liam to take him was the easiest thing Zayn ever did in his life, trusting the man completely as Mezrhad sighed contently.

Intertwining their fingers, the warm press of Zayn’s hand in his own, Liam grinned widely, a deep contrast to the tired look etched into his face before he pulled Zayn down the corridor.

“How embarrassing was my mom?” Liam asked, making a grimace at the thought. “Did she break out the naked baby pictures yet?”

“Not yet,” chucked Zayn, leaning his head on Liam’s shoulder as they walked, tying desperately to forget the past few days. “I’ll have to ask her later.”

Snorting, Liam turned the corner into a brightly lit room, fingers tightening around Zayn’s as he uttered a _she’ll be happy to oblige,_ before stopping in front of a room filled with people, all eyes turning on them.

“This is my family,” Liam said, gaze sweeping over the room where his mother sat next to his father, their hands clasped together. Both his sisters were huddled by the window, their husbands in tow as they all smiled at Liam.

“This is my family,” echoed Mezi, hand pressed over Liam’s heart, the boy’s eyes glued to Zayn’s face.

“Beta,” warned Zayn, feeling the own raw emotion in his own voice, but Liam shook his head, interrupting Zayn.

“I’ll be whatever you let me be,” vowed Liam before his entire family, looking at Zayn expectantly.

And Zayn hated being put on the spot, hated when everyone’s attention was on him but in that moment he saw no one but Liam holding his son adoringly, giving himself over fully.

“I want you to be everything,” Zayn whispered, pushing himself on the tip of his toes, pressing a gentle kiss to Liam’s lips.

The sound of someone holding back a sob was what brought Zayn back to reality, turning to see Liam’s father crying silently.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn started apologizing, releasing he was making a horrible first impression.

But Liam’s father only shook his head in response, an obvious distaste to Zayn’s apology just like his son.

“Non-sense,” argued the man, fighting against the tears that strolled down his face, a wide smile appearing upon his mouth. “Just always wanted to see my Liam happy,” sighed the man, forcing down another sob. “Always wanted to see him with his own kid, I wanted to have the time to get to know my grandson. I’ve always wanted a grandson ”

This time it was Liam’s turn to warn his father with a carefully toned, _Dad,_ but Zayn placed his hand on Liam’s arm, accepting the older man’s words easily, as if he’d known that this family was where he was meant to be.

“I guess you’ll just have to get better so you can get to know him,” Zayn replied confidently, his voice soft as he pushed Mezi’s fringe out of his eyes. “Say Hello Mezi.”

Suddenly shy, the boy hid his face into Liam’s neck, mumbling a hello that every cooed at excitedly, making Zayn’s heart shatter and melt all at the same time.

 


	11. Chapter 11

It was the day before Christmas Eve, a light snow fall settling on the ground as Zayn watched Liam and Mezi playing outside through the kitchen window, his own hands wrapped around a warm cup of tea.

They had spent the last few days between the hospital and the Payne household, making sure Karen and Geoff rested and ate while they prepared for the holidays, running endless errands and cleaning around the house.

Liam and Mezi had gone out to get some of the presents Karen wanted while she stayed with Geoff, Zayn insisting on starting the numerous holiday meals that were needed. Truth was, Zayn was a little bit out of his element amongst the kitchen tools and recipe books, but he made it work as best he could, following every instruction with extreme precision.

The recipes weren’t exactly what he was use to, his mother’s cuisine being adapted to his father’s culture but some things just never changed. Sugar cookies remained the same in any culture and with his artistic talent Zayn figured the beauty of them might distract from the taste.

Karen walked into the kitchen just as Zayn was washing out his cup, a bright smile on her face as she carried in some left over wrapping paper.

“I swear every year there’s more and more presents to wrap,” she laughed as she placed the scrapes into the recycling bin, looking up at Zayn who tried smiling back.

He still felt guilty that he had been unable to buy any gifts. Every single dollar he’d put aside for Christmas being spent on emergencies left him empty handed in a home that was nothing but generous to him. Liam had insisted that it really was no trouble, that no one expected anything and as a family every present Liam gave also came from Zayn and Mezi; but being as stubborn as he was, Zayn still struggle to accept things.

“These cookies smell delicious, Zayn,” Karen praised as she checked the meat pies in the oven, the smell escaping through the room, filling it with a delectable aroma. “I can’t thank you enough for doing all this.”

“Please,” groaned Zayn, shying under the approval, cheeks blushing a bright red that matched the decorations littering the house. “It’s the least I could do after you welcomed me and my son into your home.”

“It’s what family does,” countered Karen, genuine affection in her voice as she ran her hand down Zayn’s arm, a motherly gesture he realized he’d missed. “The boys are just coming in, the tree is finally thaw enough to start decorating it.”

Following Karen into the living room, a plate of sugar cookies in hand, Zayn found Liam helping Mezi out of his snow suit, the boy’s hands no longer bandaged. They had been to the local hospital yesterday, the doctor assessing the boy’s cuts and assuring that he could take the bandages off.

 Mezi had been more than excited, wiggling his fingers all over the place as Liam had kissed every inch of the boy’s hand, sad tears in his eyes. Zayn had made sure later that night to kiss every single part of Liam’s body in exchange, wanting the man to move away from his guilt, to see Zayn’s own forgiveness as the key to his own absolution.

The minute his boots were off, Mezi was running through the house as if it was his own, squealing in delight as he grabbed a cookie when he zoomed past Zayn. Shaking his head, a reprimand on the tip of his tongue, Zayn was quickly stopped by strong arms that wrapped around his waist, Liam’s chin falling upon his shoulder as warm lips were pressed to his neck.

“Let him go,” whispered Liam, plastering his entire body to Zayn’s back who sagged contently into his boyfriend’s body. “My dad just called him in, said the tree was ready.”

“It is,” Zayn said as he exhaled, turning his head to press a sweet kiss to Liam’s lips. “He’s still dying to decorate a damn tree.”

“And my entire family is dying to watch him do it,” Liam replied simply, untangling his arms from around Zayn who immediately felt a little cold at the lost, sighing in appreciation when Liam’s large palm pressed itself at the bottom of his back, guiding him towards the living room.

They walked into the cozy lit room just in time to see Mezi climbing the rocking arm chair Geoff was sitting in, arms wide as he welcomed the boy into a hug.

“Mezi, careful please,” Zayn said, reaching out to drag Mezrhad off the recovering man but Geoff shook his head at him, cuddling the boy to his chest.

“I’m fine,” grumbled the man, smiling down at Mezi who grinned right back, settling into the comfortable chair like a second home.

Zayn knew better than to argue with the man, falling silent as he watched his son clap happily at the Christmas movie that started on the tv.

“Your son is a menace,” moaned Liam as he walked away, pulling a few boxes of decorations that were stacked together into the middle of the room. “He’s got everyone wrapped around his finger.”

“Don’t know where he got that,” Zayn said, helping Liam untangle the Christmas lights from one another.

“I have an idea,” whispered Liam, ghosting his hand across Zayn’s hip as he walked by him, a heated expression on his face making Zayn muffle a moan.

“Behave,” Zayn growled back, flushing deeply. They were in Liam’s parents’ home, the taste of Liam on his tongue from last night was still strong and yet it felt like teenagers fooling around, like he should be ashamed of his need but for some reason wasn’t.

Rolling his eyes, Liam gave Zayn a mischievous smile before turning to Mezi, holding up the lights in indication that the time had finally come.

Immediately, the boy was up, jumping down from the rocking chair as Geoff’s eyes followed him. Mezi’s excitement seemed to capture everyone’s attention, Zayn settling in the lumpy couch as he watched Liam and Mezi’s decoration quest. Karen did the same, sitting next to Zayn as she ate a cookie, offering easy conversations through the afternoon.

Everything felt so easy, the sight of his boyfriend and his son so content together, working around one another as if they were one, simply beautiful.

As the night fell, and Karen went to prepare dinner, Zayn pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them to lay his head atop. He fell into a comfortable silence, listening to Geoff pointing out places on the tree that didn’t have any tinsel so Mezi could add some, the boy effortlessly being picked up by Liam every time he couldn’t reach.

Even though they were miles away from London, their own tree pathetically bare in their tiny flat, Zayn smiled wider than he had in days, because he realized that this felt like home.

\----------

Mezrhad was snoring soundly, the boy’s breath fanning across Zayn’s neck as he watched the evening news, Liam pressed tightly to his side, an arm wrapped around his shoulder. They had settled into the living room after dinner, all over stuffed from the meat pies, potatoes and gravy to do anything other than watch some television. Mezi had fallen asleep almost instantly, nibble fingers clutching tightly Liam’s shirt even though 90% of the boy’s small body lay limp upon Zayn’s lap.

It’s as though Mezrhad still had a hard time letting go of Liam, scared the man might disappear if he wasn’t in touching distance. Liam of course didn’t seem to mind at all, accepting Mezi’s lingering touches and holding out his hand for the boy whenever he could.

“Liam, can you go get some more wood for the fire place,” Geoff asked as he lowered the volume of the television, eyes tracing Mezi’s sleeping features in Zayn’s lap.

Nodding assertively, Liam kissed the side of Zayn’s head, mumbling a barely audible _I’ll be right back_ , before untangling Mezi’s hand from his shirt and standing.

“Get me a cookie while you’re at it,” added Geoff, giving Liam a look of utter reprimand if he dared argue. “It’s not one cookie that will kill me son.”

Choosing not to argue, Liam muttered something to himself, rolling his eyes as he left the room.

Zayn hid his own smirk in his son’s neck, kissing the soft skin there.

“I’ve been meaning to get you alone,” Geoff said when they heard the distant sound of the front door closing, assuring Liam’s departure.

“Oh,” whispered Zayn, swallowing around the sudden lump in his throat as he forced his eyes up, meeting the man’s face. He had expected a serious expression of some sort, but as always the man was smiling, something that seemed to be a distinct Payne characteristic.

“Don’t worry boy,” Liam’s father replied at Zayn’s obvious discomfort. “I just wanted to thank you, for making my son so happy. Liam has never been particularly joyful.”

 Frowning at the words, Zayn tilted his head in confusion, shifting Mezi’s weight in his lap so he was more comfortable. “I have to say I find that hard to believe,” Zayn said, remembering every single moment he had ever spent with Liam. Only a handle of those memories showed Liam without a smile on his face. “You’re son is the most cheerful person I know, he’s like sunshine in darkness.”

“He’s good at putting on a brave face,” conceded Geoff, sighing as he rubbed at his face tiredly. “He’s probably never told you any of this, because he has a habit of feeling like a burden to people but I think you should know.”

Listening attentively, Zayn tightened his hold on Mezi, feeling as though he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know. Liam had been his knight in shining armor from the day he’s met him, guiding him through the rumble that fatherhood had so swiftly thrown upon him. It was simply too difficult to imagine Liam being anything other than happy, the smile on his lips a permanent feature Zayn had fallen in love with. The possibility that it could all be an act had his stomach clenching in knots, bile rising in his throat.

“Liam was quite sick as a boy, made him miss loads of school so he had less friends than most kids I imagine,” Geoff explained, a sorrowful tone in his voice. “He never complained about it, always was enthusiastic but you could see it bothered him, the fact he didn’t get invited to parties and such. He had Harry and Andy as best friends, those two were always around but Liam has always been a crowd pleaser. By high school he struggled through some bullying, got knocked around a little even if Andy did his best to stop it.”

Taking a breath, Geoff wiped at his own face, silent tears clinging to his eye lashes as he looked at Zayn. “When he left for London, Karen was devastated, scared he would do something stupid and irrational to finally fit in like he’d always wanted. But the boy being as responsible as he is, went out and got a degree, figured he could help kids have a better experience then he had in school. Don’t get me wrong, Liam was never depressed or anything, he just never was all that happy either. That is, until he met you.”

“Me?” breathed out Zayn, finding it hard to believe that he had brought any joy in Liam’s life. What he had given to Liam seemed more like responsibilities, fatherly duties.

But Geoff nodded, knowing exactly what he meant as he smiled at Zayn.

“The first time he called and mentioned you, Karen already knew he’d met someone. She said there was something different in his voice, he was just genuinely happier. By the time he asked if he could bring you home for the holidays I could see my son as a completely different man. There was pride in his tone, love and affection. Finding you made him realize that fitting in never mattered because he had a purpose on his own, he mattered on his own.”

A beat of silence fell upon the living room as Geoff’s voice faded away, nothing but the sound of the crackling fire being heard. There was a loud clinking sound in the kitchen, probably Karen finishing her call with Ruth in preparation for Christmas night.

“I’m not sure what to say,” Zayn admitted after a minute, throat tight with emotion as he dried his tears into his son’s neck; the thought of Liam struggling through life something too painful for him to think of. The man was a god given gift, sunshine in a bottle and he deserved nothing but the best. “For what it’s worth, you’re son changed my life too. He changed the way I saw parenthood, made me want to be a better father because taking care of Mezi was so intuitive for him. They fell in love with one another.”

“They did,” Geoff agreed.

“I guess I couldn’t help but fall back,” shrugged Zayn, feeling heat bloom through his body at the admission.

In that moment, Liam walked back through the door, arms straining under the weight of a pile of wood which he dropped next the fireplace.

“What’s with the dead silence?” Liam asked as he placed the logs in the fireplace.

“Just tired,” Geoff explained, groaning as he stood. “Thanks for the imaginary cookie.”

“Dad,” whined Liam, turning to his dad who smirked widely as he walked out the living room.

“I’ll get it on my own,” called back the man, leaving Liam, Zayn and Mezi to bathe in the warmth of the newly blazing fire.

Reaching out for Mezi, Liam lifted the sleeping boy into his arms easily, intertwining his fingers with Zayn’s as they walked up the stairs.

“What was all that really about?” Liam asked again as they settled Mezi into Ruth’s old room, her large bed swallowing Mezi’s body up quickly, the blankets wrapped tightly around the boy’s lithe form.

Kissing the his son’s forehead, Zayn waited for Liam to do the same, pulling Liam towards his own childhood bedroom where Zayn closed the door behind them, pinning Liam to it.

“Just told me some stuff about you,” Zayn granted, pushing his leg between Liam’s who groaned at the contact. “Makes a little more sense now, why teaching is so important to you, why you took it so personal when Mezi got hurt.”

“He shouldn’t have told you those things,” argued Liam without asking for further detail obvious knowing what his father had said, but Zayn stopped him, kissing Liam again and again until they were both breathless, panting into each other’s mouth, hips grinding together.

“I’m glad he did.”

“You probably think I’m a loser now,” sighed Liam, pushing Zayn away a little so he could step around him, sitting on the edge of his bed, head bowed in defeat.

“You’re ridiculous,” Zayn said as he rolled his eyes, stepping closer to Liam until he could sit right next to him, fingers tracing loving words into the man’s skin. “I think I fell in love with you even harder, its noble the fact that you want to help kids have a better experience in school that you did.”

“It’s not that I had a bad experience,” Liam interrupted, a frustrated sigh escaping his mouth as he rubbed at his face, still refusing to look at Zayn. “I just want kids to be happy, I want them to know that being different doesn’t make them any less important. I was a little weird and overweight and kids made fun of me for that but like some kids get bullied for their skin color, or their religion, their sexuality and it’s all just a little dumb. I wanted to teach kids that those things don’t define people and that if they learn to love each other like they are, they’ll all grow up a lot more content than otherwise.”

Tapping a beat on the back of Liam’s back, Zayn held his breathe for a minute, thanking god for bringing this amazing man into his life. Sliding to his knees, making his way between Liam’s legs, Zayn pushed his boyfriend onto his back, running loving hands down his thighs.

“You make all the difference in the world,” Zayn stated, a simple fact he’d accepted a long time ago. “I never once worried about Mezi struggling at school for being different after I met you and I never realized how important that was until now.”

“I didn’t do anything,” shrugged Liam but Zayn silenced him with a kiss, pushing his tongue into Liam’s mouth until he couldn’t breathe.

“You did everything,” Zayn whispered, straddling Liam swiftly, stripping his shirt so he could kiss along the lines of the man’s defined body. “You’re the most beautiful person in the world, inside and out. You made us into a family, loved me and my son unconditionally. You changed us, made us better.”

“Just wanted to be with you,” Liam admitted, eyes shining with tears as an embarrassed blush spread across his cheeks. “You were really hot and all.”

“You’re an idiot,” muttered Zayn, huffing a laugh as he bit down on Liam’s neck. It was just like his boyfriend to defuse an emotional moment with a stupid joke, always offering the much needed comedic relief.

“I’m your idiot.”

“My idiot,” mirrored Zayn kissing Liam again, suddenly being shifted so he was lying under the bigger man, Liam looming over him as he helped Zayn out of his own shirt.

“I want to make love to you,” Liam said as he hid his face in the crook of Zayn’s neck, licking a long column down Zayn’s shoulder before pressing a sloppy kiss over the bright red lips tattooed to his chest.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Zayn answered, watching intently Liam’s face light up at the admission before pressing their lips together again, a longing touch until he pulled away.

 Forcing himself onto his stomach, Zayn felt Liam’s weight shuffle around his thighs, the man stepping off the bed to shed his own clothes before stripping Zayn easily. He heard distantly Liam whisper something about _a sight to behold,_ but Zayn ignored the praised, trying to calm the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach.

Truth was, he hadn’t bottomed in years, hadn’t allowed himself to be so vulnerable to someone’s touch. Giving himself over to Liam like this felt like the final step, the extra push he needed to anchor in his mind the fact that Liam was real, that he was there to stay and that he was everything Zayn needed.

Until this day, Zayn had always felt the utter need to be in control, even more so since Mezi walked into his life but now, with Liam kneeling between his legs, spreading him with one lubed finger, Zayn relinquished the loss of control, longed for it as he moaned shamelessly.

He spread his legs wider as he felt Liam’s hands roam his body, words of beauty and effervescence falling from the man’s lips, sliding along Zayn’s body as if he was meant to be worshipped.

“More,” demanded Zayn as he rocked his hips back, moaning into the pillow he was clutching when Liam granted him his demand, added another finger inside him.

There were shapes and colorful banners forming behind Zayn’s eye lids, music spreading through his mind even though the only thing that could really be heard was his own panting breathing accompanied by Liam’s groaned praise.

And suddenly everything stop, Liam’s fingers were pulled out without warning, making Zayn whimper at the lost as he moved his hips, begging wordlessly for more.

“We can’t do this,” sighed Liam abruptly, sitting down on his hunches as Zayn sat up questioningly.

“Why the fuck not?” he asked, rejection blooming through his body as he went to cover himself, cheeks burning in confusion but Liam stopped him, a gentle touch to his wrist preventing him from covering up.

“I mean I don’t have condoms here,” Liam revealed, allowing his lips to ghost along the top of Zayn’s head.

“When were you last tested?” Zayn found himself asking, fingers clutches tightly to Liam’s bicep. The thought of stopping now, of not having Liam inside him was almost unbearable. He’d laid himself bare already, made himself vulnerable and he needed Liam to make that ok, needed Liam to make love to him.

“A week after I met you,” replied Liam quietly. “I haven’t been with anyone in over a year though.”

“Then shut up and kiss me,” Zayn countered, threading his fingers through Liam’s hair, pulling him down into a scorching kiss but he made a very important note to ask Liam about that later.

 Zayn knew he had to be quiet, knew Liam’s parents were probably down the hall trying to sleep but Liam’s tongue was simply too talented not to be recompensed with moans.

“Please Liam,” groaned Zayn when Liam’s fingers started pushing inside of him again. Planting his feet on the mattress, Zayn rolled his hips to Liam’s hand, countering the movement until his own thighs trembled from pleasure.

Pressing a gentle hand to Zayn’s stomach, Liam steadied himself as he leaned over, mouthing his way down Zayn’s chest and ribs, trailing lube slick finger prints on the man’s tan skin. There’s a moment Zayn thought Liam would change his mind, something dark falling over the man’s features but it was swiftly replaced with a warm grin, Liam’s swollen lips stretching into a smile.

“Just relax for me,” Liam said as he took himself in hand, spreading an indecent amount of lube over his dick before forcing his eyes back up to Zayn who had been watching him attentively, lip caught between his teeth as he groaned.

And as Liam pushed in, Zayn almost forgot what was happening, captured by the look of utter beauty and concentration on Liam’s face. He reached out tentatively, smoothing his fingers along the man’s defined jaw, bringing him down so they could kiss as Zayn felt his entire body tighten, his core bursting in fire as Liam settled deep inside him.

He felt Liam’s gentle touch, the man’s long fingers running delicately up Zayn’s legs to wrap them around his waist, giving him more leeway as he started grinding into Zayn, bringing them together in rhythmic strokes of their body.

Zayn forget how to breath when Liam finally beginnings thrusting properly, every movement seemingly calculated to hit Zayn’s prostate just right, the smaller man reduced to a blabbering mess. Digging his fingers into Liam’s muscular back, Zayn gasped out greedily, eyes shut tight as his mind spiraled with colors, his heart beating rapidly as if it would explode.

For the first time, Zayn realized just how hard he was, how divine it felt when Liam leaned down to kiss his neck, the man’s defined abdomen rubbing against Zayn’s harden length making him whimper. For once this wasn’t about sex, or getting off, it didn’t even feel as though it was about their bodies because in that moment Zayn felt as though he and Liam were one. Their entire beings seemed to move in sync,  their lips brushing together in a plea they both accepted, rocking together as Liam’s hands ran up Zayn’s body, worshipping him.

“I’m close,” whispered Zayn, his hands leaving bruises along Liam’s neck as he held the man he loved as close as he could, breathing out unevenly.

Pushing his arm between their bodies, Liam wrapped his hand around Zayn, stroking him slowly as his hips kept thrusting, watching Zayn come up done as he came apart.

Mouth agape, a wordless cry on his lips, Zayn came across his own stomach and Liam’s hand, lost in Liam’s touch that sent shivers down his spin and into his soul. And even when he was done coming, Liam’s hand on him almost painful, Zayn kept moving his hips, needing Liam’s own completion because it was more about the other man than it had ever been about him.

Leaving his grip on Zayn’s length and hip, Liam trailed his hands up Zayn’s body, along the man’s arms until he could intertwine their fingers, bringing both of Zayn’s hand above his head.

Settling into the new position, Liam kissed his way along Zayn’s jaw, coaxing Zayn’s eyes open as he felt his gut tightening, Zayn clenching around him.

He finally lost it when Zayn’s eyes open, warm and loving as they trailed over Liam’s face adoringly. Unable to control himself, Liam forced Zayn’s legs wider, the man accommodating him easily as he took his fill, coming deep inside Zayn until he fell upon Zayn, utterly drained.

Running his hands up Liam’s sweaty back, marveling every time the man’s muscle twitched Zayn smiled into Liam’s neck, lulled to sleep by the way Liam panted his name breathlessly. He could still feel Liam inside of him, a flutter of movement as he groaned at the intrusion, pushing back against Liam who growled in his ear.

“You’re exhausting,” muttered Liam, biting Zayn’s shoulder before kissing it better, lips trailing smoothly over the tan skin as he pulled back, looking at Zayn intently.

Smiling like an idiot, cheeks flushes, Zayn reached out, pushing Liam’s hair off his forehead as he leaned up, pressing the gentlest of kiss there before lying down again.

“You saved him,” finally whispered Zayn when the night’s silence echoed between them. He felt Liam shift away from him, the lost inside of him making Zayn feel cold but instantly Liam’s arms were wrapped around him, cuddling him.

“You saved him from his mother’s death. You’re his hero,” Zayn added in a hushed whisper as if it was a secret. Because truth was, Liam was the one that have saved Mezi, he was the one that had managed to make the boy talk again, not Zayn.

“I love you,” replied Liam after a second, a raw edge to his words as he kissed Zayn’s head almost childishly.

“Me too,” sighed Zayn, rubbing at his eyes as he sighed contently into Liam’s body. He closed his eyes, turning the page on the night but also on his past, forgiving himself for his mistakes, knowing that with Liam by his side he could do better for himself and could do better for his son. “You’re my hero too.”


	12. Chapter 12

When Zayn woke up on Christmas morning his nose was being tickled by soft hair, limbs thrown casually over him. He cuddled closer to the body next to him, opening his eyes to find Mezi cuddled warmly between Liam and him, the boy’s mouth open as he breathed deeply.

“Did he come on his own or you went to get him again?” whispered Zayn when he saw Liam’s eyes open, tracing the sleepy lines on his face.

Liam shrugged, a guilty smile appearing on his face as he reached over the small boy to touch Zayn’s hand, smoothing his fingers along the lines of the lotus tattoo there.

“Its Christmas morning,” Liam said as though it explained everything.

And normally Zayn would argue, tell Liam that it was important Mezi woke up in his own bed to develop his sense of self and independence, but for once Zayn stayed silent. The feeling of his son wrapped in his arms, pressed between him and Liam on Christmas morning was too good to deny.

They had spent the previous night playing bored games and drinking chocolate as Liam’s entire family had stayed the night. It was apparently a Payne family tradition to wake up Christmas morning and unwrap the presents still dressed in their pyjama, something that had Zayn a little nervous.

 Most days he had spent here, his tattoos had been covered by Liam’s big wool sweaters, barely peaking out of the cuffs of his shirt. Now however, in Liam’s short sleeved t-shirts, his entire arms would be exposed and even though the Payne family had been nothing but accepting of him, he still worried his appearance would be an issue.

“I want to give you your gift now,” Liam said as he untangled himself from Mezi’s small arms, stretching as the sheets fell from his body, the morning sun glowing along his tan body. He brought back Zayn from his sporadic anxiety immediately, as always acting like the anchor Zayn needed, his life line to sanity.

And even if Zayn had seen Liam shirtless more than once, the sight always left him a little breathless, a tight knot settling in his stomach as he watched every inch of Liam’s skin.

“I thought we agreed no gifts,” grumbled Zayn trying to distract himself from the very obvious morning wood he was sporting because he knew there was no time to take care of that. Soon there would probably be a knock on the door, Karen telling them coffee was ready or Geoff looking for Mezi so they could watch the  _Charie Brown Christmas Special_  together.

“I didn’t pay anything for it though,” argued Liam as he came to sit next to Zayn on the bed, a small box in hand that was clumsily wrapped in paper that had the Hulk on it with a Christmas hat. “So it doesn’t count.”

Rather than argue, Zayn accepted the box, arching a brow at the choice of paper that had Liam giggling in his neck.

“It’s what my mom bought to wrap Mezi’s gifts,” Liam explained, slipping behind Zayn so he could wrap his arms around the smaller man’s waist. “For what it’s worth, I’m the one that wrapped it. That’s why it looks like shit.”

Chuckling lowly, Zayn leaned back into Liam’s chest, sighing when he felt his boyfriend’s chin settle on his shoulder. “Your parents really didn’t have to buy him anything.”

“Non-sense,” muttered Liam, flicking the back of Zayn’s ear. He sounded so much like his father that Zayn couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the response.

“My parents really do think of Mezrhad as their grandson, just like Ella.”

“I know,” Zayn said, still emotional at the thought. “I just don’t want to look like a bad father that can’t afford to give anything to my son.”

“They don’t think that, they love you, love him.” Liam assured, kissing Zayn’s neck as his hands travelled up and down Zayn’s stomach. “C’mon babe, just open your gift now.”

Choosing once again to keep his mouth shut, ignoring the constant nagging sensation at the back of his mind telling him he wasn’t good enough, Zayn allowed his fingers to slide over the silky paper. Pulling at the crinkled sides that were barely held down by some rumbled pieces of tape, Zayn tried to go quickly but quietly, eyeing Mezi from the side of his vision, making sure the boy was still asleep.

As selfish as it sounded, Zayn wanted to have this amount alone with Liam, to feel like a man in love and not a father for just one minute.

“If it’s a ring, it better have diamonds on it,” joked Zayn, feeling Liam’s laugh resonate through his entire body.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” whispered Liam, tapping his finger along Zayn’s spin slowly. “But you’re thinking along the right lines.”

His hands suddenly freezing around the box, delicate velvet under his fingers, Zayn found himself unable to breathe, Liam’s words ringing in his ears. “You mean..”

“Commitment,” finished Liam, kissing the side of Zayn’s neck. “I’m not asking you to marry me, don’t worry.”

 Nodding, his fingers finally ripping off the last piece of wrapping paper, Zayn found himself suddenly overwhelmed with images of him and Liam dressed in suits, vowing their love in front of their entire families, dancing to Ed Sheeran’s thinking out loud.

“Focus,” he heard Liam whisper when it was obvious his mind had wandered, lips pressed over the back of his neck anchoring him to reality.

“All in good time,” Liam added, sending a chill through Zayn’s body who had to force himself not to moan.

Smiling to himself Zayn chose to nod again, trembling fingers catching the lid of the box to lift it, revealing a sparkling gold watch, something that felt a little antique and rustic and yet that match Zayn’s persona perfectly.

“Liam,” Zayn breathed out uneasily as his fingers ran along the sides of the watch, nothing but the ticking sound being heard. “How was this free, it looks like it costs a fortune.”

“Do you like it?” Liam asked, completely ignoring Zayn’s question, grabbing the watch out of the box and slipping it onto Zayn’s wrist.

 It was a little loose; hanging lower than his wrist, but Zayn couldn’t take his eyes away from it, completely mesmerized. “It’s beautiful.”

“It was my dad’s,” Liam finally said as Zayn twisted around to kiss his lips, lingering for a second as his heart started beating frantically. “My mom gave it to him after he proposed. It was her sign of commitment. She told me the story when I was a kid about how long she’d been saving her money so she could afford it. It was the first one in his collection; all my life every time something happened, my dad bought himself a watch, but this one was always his favourite.”

“I can’t accept, Jaan,” Zayn muttered, immediately trying to take the watch off, but Liam’s hand upon his own stopped him. “It’s too much, it’s your dad’s.”

“It’s not enough,” replied Liam, pressing their foreheads together. “He gave it to me the first day he was in the hospital, right after you and I fought. He told me I was an idiot for letting you go so easily. When he gave it to me he said it could never belong to anyone but you.”

“He didn’t even know me then,” Zayn countered, eyes burning with unshed tears as he kissed Liam again, feeling his throat tighten but needing the reassurance that Liam’s lips on his own always offered.

“He knew enough,” adding Liam, their lips still brushing together. “He knew how happy you made me, saw the change in me.”

“He knew before us,” conceited Zayn looking down at their intertwined fingers laying over the watch. “I’m sorry I don’t have something just as meaningful to give you.”

“You’re kidding right,” Liam said, pulling away with a cocked brow as he smiled at Zayn, shaking his head as if he was discouraged.

Liam then turned towards Mezi, his large hand falling to caress the boy’s shin before pulling away, watching as Mezrhad moved in his sleep, seeking Liam’s touch.

“What did you call me earlier?” asked Liam when Zayn stayed silent, head resting on Liam’s shoulder as he watched his son slowly stir awake.

“I’ll tell you another time,” Zayn said when he realized what he’d actually said, grateful when there was a soft knock on the door, Karen calling through the door that everyone was ready to begin, saving him from further explanation. 

“Can you wake him while I go to the bathroom?” Zayn asked, shuffling away from the bed, gently putting away the velvet box the watch had been in.

Without waiting for a reply, Zayn walked across the hallway to the bathroom, knowing Liam was perfectly capable of waking Mezi and that he in fact enjoyed doing so. Those two had a weird bond over loving to wake up, the morning something they shared while Zayn usually brooded in his corner, dreading the sunlight and wishing he could sleep a little longer.

Quickly using the bathroom, Zayn rushed through some basic hygiene, brushing his teeth and washing his face, before looking at himself in the mirror, uncertainty radiating through his body. He couldn’t help how he rubbed at his tattooed arm unconsciously, as if it would erase the images. For a second he even though about taking out his earrings, but he knew it was completely pointless.

He had been here for almost a week and never had anyone said anything about his appearance. Quite the contrary, Karen kept talking about how good he looked, an image to behold that always had Zayn blushing.

The light reflecting off the new watch on his wrist brought Zayn back to reality, knowing that no matter how he looked when he walked down those stairs, the Payne family would accept him.

Closing his eyes he breathed thoroughly one last time before heading out, welcomed by the sound of Mezi’s excited laughter as he marveled at the pile of gifts Santa had left under the tree.

\-------

“Another,” whispered Zayn into Liam’s neck, watching Mezi unwrap yet another present. The boy already had a very defined pile around him, numerous toys and a bunch of new clothing surrounding him.

 Zayn was so proud of his little boy who marveled at every single item as if they were the most precious thing in the world. Every time Mezhrad open a present from Santa Claus he would smile at the sky and thank Santa, or if it was from someone in the room he would run to them, waving his arms widely to hug them before he even opened the present. It was as if the boy was more excited at being thought of, being worthy of gifts than actually getting them.

“My parents might have gone a little over board,” admitted Liam as Mezi held up a batman shirt, eyes wide as he turned to Zayn.

“Baba look,” Mezi said, his voice trembling from emotion. “It’s your shirt.”

“It is,” Zayn conceited, remembering the shirt he’d worn the first day he had met Mezi.

“My Baba is Batman,” Mezi explained casually to everyone that watched him attentively as he cuddled the shirt to his chest. “Mama said Baba is my protector.”  

The silence in the room was almost deafening as Mezi’s small voice faded, a small tear sliding down the boy’s face and yet his smile was still as bright as ever.

“Can I put it on?” the boy asked Geoff since the present was from the older man.

“Of course,” Geoff permitted, giving Zayn a knowing grin to which Zayn mouthed a muted thank you.

Almost simultaneously, Mezi was standing up, tugging the material over his head before standing with his arms wide, inspecting the bright yellow logo on his own chest.

“How about you open the last gift,” Liam said when everyone kept silent, observing Mezi who giggled shyly in the middle of the room.

Nodding, Mezi sat back down, whispering a small _thank you_ _Auntie Ruth_ when the blonde handed him the large box.

“It’s from Baba and me,” explained Liam as he crawled away from Zayn, sitting next to Mezi, his large frame enveloping the boy fully.

Standing rapidly, Zayn walked to the other side of the room, leaning against the wall so he could watch his son tear at the wrapping paper with such enthusiasm, Liam helping with the same eagerness.

Before Zayn could actually see what was in the box, because of course Liam hadn’t told him, Mezi’s face froze, his tiny fingers running over the image that Zayn couldn’t see.

“What is it?” Karen asked cheerfully, taking a picture of Mezi who looked up at Zayn.

“Its a click-click machine like mama’s,” the boy said as if everyone knew exactly what that was.

“A camera,” echoed Liam to explain, the room this time sparking with laughter. Zayn hoped that the mention of Sama didn’t make people uncomfortable since he did in fact plan on making her an important part of Mezi’s life, just as much as he wanted the Payne family to be a fundamental aspect of the boy’s upbringing.

“That’s what I said,” countered Mezi, ripping the box open in seconds, the yellow plastic apparatus in hand.

“It’s special too,” Liam said as he settled on his knees, pointing things out to Mezi. “It prints the picture out the minute you take it.”

“Really?” Mezi said, looking at Liam in absolute amazement as Liam went about explaining how it worked, all the buttons and technicalities as the entire family watched with admiration in their eyes.

It was obvious that seeing Liam like this, so happy as he helped Mezi, affected them just as much as it did Zayn. Unlike Zayn, they were witnessing something so utterly different about Liam, a new character Zayn had never experienced. To him this was the same Liam he had always known, the man he had met the first day of Mezi’s school year. Liam was the same loving person with excitement in his heart and love in his voice that Zayn had fallen for months ago.

And the fact that Liam had bought Mezi something to remind the boy of his mother just showed how important Liam was in Mezi’s life. The man was completely selfless, offering everything and anything he could to a boy that was not his in hopes that he would grow up and be happy, and Zayn couldn’t fall any more in love with Liam.

This was the last straw he needed to confirm that he had made the right decision in spending all his savings on two train tickets to a little town called Wolverhampton; because as he kneeled down next to Liam, and kissed the man, he felt as though he had found his own protector.

“Look Baba,” exclaimed Mezi as he pulled on a black paper coming out of the camera, shaking it like Liam showed him before giving it to Zayn with a wide smile.

“It’s beautiful,” Zayn whispered, reaching out to kiss the boy’s forehead as he looked down at the picture Mezi had taken; Zayn’s lips molded to Liam’s, falling easily into one another as everyone around them seemed to marvel at their family.


	13. Chapter 13

There were days that Zayn actually questioned if he would ever make it up here, wondered if he had the tenacity to get through four years of hardship for a piece of paper. The day he had gotten the call from Mezi’s grandparents had been the day he had doubted himself the most, he simply couldn’t imagine going to school full time, while working and raising a child.

And yet, the minute after he had held Mezrhad in his arms, looked at the boy’s tear stained face, Zayn had known that he had no other choice than to get through that last year of his education to get a diploma. Everything he did from that day on was for his son.

Mezrhad deserved the best the world had to offer, and the only way Zayn could give his son that was with an education, so he could go out and get a good job, provide for his son and be the protector Sama had meant him to be.

What Zayn hadn’t expected however was that on his graduation day, when he stood on stage in front of thousands of people, receiving his diploma, there would be an impressive amount of people huddled together, cheering his name.

He could distinctly make out Louis and Niall’s loud hollering when the presenter announced his name.

“Zayn Javadd Malik, Bachelor’s degree in education, concentration in English literature and Fine Arts. With distinction.”

Zayn was more than proud of those last two words, the with distinction showing how hard he’d work for his grades, how serious he‘d taken his education even if he had mountains of responsibilities at home.

As he stood, walking towards the front of the stage, he felt his own legs tremble, hands shaking as he tried not to trip over his own feet. Searching the crowd, he saw his parents and sisters waving at him happily, Liam’s own parents right next to them. Their meeting had been one for the books, filled with laughter and embarrassing stories that Zayn preferred not to remember.

Right next to them, at the forefront of everything, was his son sitting on Liam’s shoulders, both smiling widely as they shouted out excitedly. Mezi was waving around a batman figurine and his camera, which had Zayn chuckling to himself as he accepted his diploma. Immediately Mezi brought the plastic Polaroid camera to his face, snapping a shot of Zayn and giving him a thumbs up as if everyone was waiting on the boy.

Laughing again, Zayn thanked the dean, looking back at Liam one more time, getting lost in the man’s warm chocolate eyes that sung praise as they watched him, so full of love and admiration.

Mouthing a not so subtle _I love you_ , Zayn made his way back to his seat, settling in for the rest of the ceremony, his eyes never leaving Mezrhad and Liam.

\-------

“A toast to Zayn,” Liam said as he wrapped an arm around Zayn’s waist from behind, smiling into his neck as he offered him a glass of cheap champagne.

“To Zayn,” everyone echoed, raising their glasses in his direction as Zayn shied away, hiding his face in Liam’s chest.

“You promised you wouldn’t make a scene,” sighed Zayn as he pulled away, kissing Liam’s lips for no good reason other than he wanted to.

Shaking his head, kissing Zayn right back, Liam smirked down at him, tightening his hold on his hip.

“I said I wouldn’t make a scene AT the graduation,” emphasized Liam, wiggling his eye brows in a goofy manner. “I never said I wouldn’t once we were home.”

“I hate you,” mumbled Zayn, fingers pressed tightly into Liam’s back indicating the contrary. “I wish we were alone.”

“You’ll get your celebratory blow job later,” Liam assured, biting the shell of his ear.

Rolling his eyes, Zayn stepped away from Liam, abandoning the man to mingle with his family, accepting their love and praise that he usually shied away from. It not that he wasn’t happy to see them, quite the contrary he was ecstatic to has his family reunited, both his and Liam’s but he felt like he hadn’t been alone with Liam in weeks.

Even though he had finished school a month ago, Liam still worked daily, while Zayn tended to the comic book store, taking on more responsibilities than usual. He was trying to save up so he could take Liam and Mezi on a vacation over the summer, somewhere warm where they could all have fun and do nothing but enjoy themselves. So most nights, when he got home, Liam was already passed out from exhaustion, leaving Zayn sighing in frustration as he cuddled closer to the man.

 And with the end of the primary school year coming, Zayn knew how much work Liam would have to deal with, making up little quizzes for the kids and correcting all the assignments all while planning their end of year party. So there would be no time for them to spend some time alone.

Liam never actually complained about their lack of time together though, always smiling in the morning when he kissed Zayn goodbye, Mezi next to him that squealed for Zayn to actually open his eyes. And at night Liam always seemed please to take care of Mezi, feed him and bathing him as a daily part of his routine, nothing but love in the man’s actions.

But on some days, Zayn felt it in the way Liam’s hands lingered on his hips a minute longer than usual before letting go, the way their kisses got slightly desperate when they parted in public. So even though Liam refused to say anything with his words, his body spoke easily for him and Zayn only agreed.

He loved his family, loved his son, but he needed some alone time with Liam, away from the chaotic life of fatherhood, work and responsibilities. His solution was in his back pocket, a gift from his father that had fallen in love with Liam just as effortlessly as Zayn had.

“He’s a good man, Beta,” his father had told him when handing him the hotel key. “Take some time to enjoy it.”

Breathing through his emotions, Zayn smiled to his guest, continuing pointless conversations throughout the night, eyes always unconsciously seeking Liam. On most occasions the man was playing with Mezi on the floor, sprawled on the hardwood or feeding the boy cake while shrugging in Zayn’s direction as if he’d been caught doing something wrong.

Late into the night, when Liam’s family started to leave, Zayn found the perfect opportunity to slip into the bedroom unnoticed, quickly packing a bag for Liam and himself. He felt a little guilty about leaving Mezi behind, but he also knew how much his mother and father were looking forward to spending time with their grandson.

When he entered the living room again, Mezrhad was seated in Liam’s lap, the Polaroid pictures he had taken today displayed on the ground before him.

“Babe, can I talk to you for a minute,” Zayn said as he leaned his hip against the doorway, his father giving him a knowing smile as he replaced Liam next to Mezi.

Liam walked towards him, eyes tracing Zayn’s body in a heated manner that had Zayn shivering, confirming that they did indeed need this night away.

“My parents gave us something,” Zayn explained when Liam finally stopped before, the man’s fingers immediately running along Zayn’s stomach as he if he couldn’t help him.

“Us?” Liam questioned, arching a brow as he stepped even closer, right into Zayn’s space. “You’re the one that graduated.”

Dipping his head in agreement, Zayn bit his lips, trying to find a better way to explain this than, _they gave us a key to a hotel room so we could fuck without distraction._

It came out as a wobbly _I miss you,_ barely audible as Zayn pressed his forehead to Liam’s collarbone, a small whine catching in his throat as Liam’s hands came to cover his hips, pulling him in.

“I’m right here,” Liam assured, worry in his voice. “I don’t understand what this has to do with your parents.”

Zayn simply couldn’t find the words to explain, hating to put his own vulnerability and neediness on display. Choosing actions over words, Zayn pulled the key out of his back pocket, dangling it in the air for Liam to see.

“Serious?” Liam asked as his fingers brushed over Zayn’s, taking the key in hand. “But what about Mezi?”

Shrugging, Zayn kissed the base of Liam’s throat, not wanting to explain the fact that he was ready to abandon his son for the night, to have Liam to himself and he didn’t even feel one bit guilty about it. “They’re going to stay here with him, probably feed him everything they can find with sugar in it so that he’s crazy hyper when we come back.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

\------

“Can we stop at McDonald’s,” Zayn asked when they were finally huddled together in the car, the windows rolled down, the night’s warm breeze licking at their skin. “I’ve been dying to eat chicken nuggets for months.”

Laughing, Liam nodded as he turned towards the nearest golden arcs, lacing his finger with Zayn’s over the stick shift. “Of everything you could ask for tonight, I didn’t expect chicken nuggets to be on top of your list.”

Zayn felt a pang of pain through his heart as he scanned the horizon before looking back at Liam. “Mezi gets sick every time he eats them,” Zayn explained, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “It’s the last meal he ever ate with Sama apparently, so I just never eat them anymore.”

Lifting their intertwined hand to his mouth, Liam kissed the back of Zayn’s hand, watching him from the side of his eye lovingly. “You’re the best father in the world.”

“Not really,” whispered Zayn, gazing away to look at the stars shining brightly in the sky, distracting himself from the flutters in his stomach. “That title would go to you.”

Biting at his lip, Liam didn’t reply, simply keeping his eyes fixated on the road ahead, turning into the McDonald’s drive thru to order Zayn’s chicken nuggets.

Once they paid for the food, Liam drove away quickly, Zayn eating his food silently as they made their way to the bed and breakfast.

“Do you really think that?” Liam finally asked, breaking the silence once they were standing in the doorway of the room, his big body framing Zayn’s entire being. He could do nothing but press himself into Liam’s body, head falling on the man’s shoulder, knowing exactly what Liam was asking.

“I do, Jaan,” breathed out Zayn, feeling his heart swell. “You’re the best man I know and the best father Mezi could ask for.”

“Father,” Liam repeated, smiling down at Zayn with tears in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Zayn said as he nodded, opening the door behind him as he pulled Liam in by the collar of his shirt, pushing himself on the tip of his toes to kiss Liam. “Is that ok?”

There was no answer upon Liam’s tongue, only his lips pressed to Zayn’s mouth as he lifted the smaller man from his feet, kicking the door closed behind them before tumbling clumsily onto the bed. When they pulled apart, breathlessly flushed, Liam worked his long fingers through Zayn’s hair, pulling at the black strands until Zayn moaned at the touch.

“Father,” Liam said again as his lips brushed over the wings on Zayn’s chest. “I’m a father.”

“You are,” agreed Zayn, lost in Liam’s touch, their bodies pressed together as they lingered lazily on the bed. “You’re Jaan.”

“Are you finally going to tell me what that mean?”

Tilting his head to the side, Zayn closed his eyes, seeing images of Mezi and Liam playing together. He saw them at his graduation earlier, in the morning when they had breakfast or in the shower at night. He saw Liam everywhere, wrapped around his son, wrapped around him, making his world spin because without Liam there was nothing.

“It means life,” Zayn said without opening his eyes. “You’re my life.”

And he didn’t need to open his eyes to know Liam was smiling, warm swollen lips working their way up his neck until Zayn could feel them linger over his own.

“Jaan.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song used - Thinking out loud by Ed Sheeran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, I hope you have all enjoyed this as much as I did. I loved writing this fic and sharing it with you guys.  
> All your comments and kudos mean the world to me.  
> Come and talk to me at romancemesomeziam.tumblr.com if you'd like.

It was rather warm for the beginning of summer, the breeze stinging the air with a reminder of spring as Zayn flipped another page of his book. He was sat peacefully against a large sycamore tree, watching Liam and Mezi from a far as they play footie against Louis, Harry and Nial,l.

He could still hear Mezi firmly stating this morning how he and Liam were going to beat the boys. Hands down _, because_ _Dada taught me footie, and Dada is the best._

Everyone had laughed, pretending it would not happen but as always, they played into the boy’s fantasy, plunging all over the field, pretending to be exhausted as they ran after Mezi, watching him kick the ball into the improvised goal. It was a sight to behold, Liam bolting after Mezi to sweep the boy off his feet, zooming him through the air as Mezi squealed in delight and they both chanting, _TEAM NUMBER 1, TEAM NUMBER 1._

Glancing back down at his book, Zayn finished his chapter, an infectious smile staining his lips until he gazed up again. His grin immediately fell into a frown as he saw a woman ran her frail hand up Liam’s shoulder as she laughed, Mezrhad cuddled happily into Liam’s arms, hiding his face into the older man’s neck because he hated strangers.

It was beyond obvious she was flirting with Liam, hip propped out as her indecently high giggle resonated through the park, making Zayn seethe as he smacked his book close. He could see the deep flush on Liam’s cheek, the way he dipped his head nervously as Zayn approach which only had Zayn walking a little faster.

It’s not that Zayn was possessive person, or didn’t trust Liam, because he did trust him. The problem was he did not like when people touched Liam out of turn, he did not like how these women thought they were entitled to have their hands all over Liam because the man was too kind to say no or push them away.

Zayn’s other problem was the fact that Liam was a single mom magnet, the sight of him with Mezi in his arms, the boy’s face always split into a wide smile, something all women loved. Every where they went, Liam was constantly stopped by various women, their greedy hands lingering over Liam’s strong biceps. The minute Zayn stepped away to go get something, or buy a cup of coffee and left Mezi with Liam, he came back to giggling blonds hitting on his husband, or busty brunettes asking Liam help because they couldn’t reach the box of cereal on the shelf.

 _He’s your soon to be husband_ , Zayn reminded himself as he finally stepped behind Liam, wrapping his arm around the man’s waist, kissing Liam’s neck without giving the woman any attention as he marked his territory.

“Time to head home, jaan.”

The minute Zayn looked up, hooking his chin over Liam’s shoulder, he could see the woman’s face fall, her look of utter disappointment turning her lips into a frown as she took a step back.

Without another word, she gave Liam a slightly awkward nod, giving him a muted _it was nice to meet you_ before rushing away, obviously embarrassed as she stumbled over her own feet.

The way Niall and Louis catcalled after her didn’t seem to help, both men sprawled in the grass near by as Harry rolled his eyes at them. After a year the younger lad still seemed to be adjusting to Niall and Louis’s rowdiness, something Liam had accepted without faltering once.

“Someone’s a little jealous,” sing sung Liam as he spun on his heel, Mezi sighing in his neck as the boy’s gentle fingers tapped a beat along Liam’s collarbone.

Shrugging, Zayn wrapped his hand around Liam’s hip, giving the finger to Niall as the blond mirrored the gesture.

 “It’s not my fault everyone just loves you so much, I’m going to have to put a leash on your or something,” mumbled Zayn, as he started walking away, pulling Liam with him.

“I personally prefer the cuffs,” joked Liam, giving Zayn a sly look, winking as Mezi yawned.

“You’re a menace,” Zayn groaned taking hold of Mezi so he had something to occupy his hands with, running his fingers through the boy’s hair.

“Good thing that tomorrow I’ll be signing myself over to you forever then,” Liam said as they reached the car, sliding into the driver seat as Zayn tied Mezi in, the small boy babbling to himself tiredly, rubbing his eyes as they drooped shut.

“Thanks for sounding so excited,” grunted Zayn, clipping his seatbelt into place as he made a face, Liam’s fingers almost immediately smoothing down his jaw.

Allowing the touch, Zayn closed his eyes, turning towards Liam whom brushed their lips together.

“I’m the happiest man there is,” Liam whispered, fingers threading themselves through Zayn’s hair. “You know perfectly well if it were just about me we would have gotten married in Orlando last summer.”

Whining low in his throat, Zayn opened his eyes with a grimace. “You only wanted to do it there so you could pretend to be Harry Potter.”

“I looked damn good in those glasses,” laughed Liam, pecking Zayn’s lips as Niall, Louis and Harry passed their car, hitting the hood as they made a ruckus. Surprisingly, Mezi didn’t stir, eyelashes fluttering over his chubby cheeks, another yawn dying on his chapped lips.

“You did,” agreed Zayn, leaning back into his seat as Liam drove away, down the familiar road back to their flat, back to their home.  

Zayn remembered perfectly the day they had spent at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter when they had visited his parents in Orlando. Still to this day Zayn didn’t know who had enjoyed himself more, Liam or Mezrhad. Both boys had been wide eyed  and amazed from the minute they had stepped into the place, wrapped in Griffindor scarves even though the weather was beyond hot.

They had walked through the sets for hours, Liam pointing out things to Mezi that marveled at his Dada’s words. Liam had insisted they drink some Butterbeers, Mezrhad settling happily with pumpkin juice before they made their way to the Hogsmead train station. It had taken everything Zayn had to finally drag them out of there, continuously agreeing to one more ride when Liam pouted at him, giving him puppy dog eyes that Mezrhad copied.

Zayn agreed to finish the trip by shopping in Diagon’s Alley where Liam stocked on everything Griffindor he could get his hands on. He kept telling Zayn that it was all for Mezi, his next birthday present or Christmas gift but Zayn knew better, yet said nothing, shaking his head as he watched over Liam fondly.

At the end of the day, everything had left Mezi dazzled and astonished as he whispered tiredly in Liam’s neck about wanting to be a wizard. And as always, Liam had agreed, promise Mezi he would be the greatest of wizards, probably better than Harry Potter himself and Mezi had nodded as he fell asleep in Liam’s arms, blindly trusting his Dada.

“Are you seconding guess it?” Zayn heard Liam say, dragging him out of his thoughts as he looked over at Liam, the man’s bottom lip caught between his teeth as he tore at the skin anxiously.

“Never,” Zayn said confidently, smiling widely as he felt his cheeks flush. “You just have a habit of distracting me.”

\-----

Zayn hated being the center of attention, hated when all eyes were on him but on this day Liam made him forget the world, made him forget that they were not alone in their own bubble of happiness.

“ _When your legs don’t work like they use to before_ ,” Zayn heard Liam whisper in his ear as they swayed to the music. “ _And I can’t sweep you off your feet_.”

“ _Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love_ ,” echoed Zayn, closing his eyes as he allowed Liam to lead him, pressing his cheek to the taller man’s chest, hearing Liam’s heart beat frantically. “ _Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks_.”

Opening his eyes, Zayn looked up at the shadows cast across Liam’s warm cheeks, the grin on the man’s face priceless as he breathed an; _I love you,_ out of beat with the song. Yet the words had Zayn’s mind cascading away from the moment, the music becoming a distant sound as he remembered how this had all started.

_A normal day like any other where Zayn came home, finding Mezi and Liam watching the Avengers for the third time that week. He remembered thinking he should argue for a different film, but he had settled for keeping his mouth shut when he had realized Liam had made chicken curry for him, and an amazing batch of chocolate cookies to finish it off. As he had eaten his food, Mezi in his lap and Liam’s arm around his shoulders, he realized that watching the same movie for the third time that week didn’t feel that important._

_That is until he finished off his plate, all but licking his fingers as Liam took the dirty dishes away, taking Mezi with him. When the larger man returned, sitting right in Zayn’s space, there was a light flush to his cheek, something redder and sweeter than usual. It had left Zayn wondering what was wrong, until Mezi interrupted his thoughts, running to his side as he held a tiny velvet box in his small hands, nibble fingers smoothing over the material. The boy then smile widely, kissing Liam cheek as he handed him the box._

_“Uncle Lou said to tell you not to mess it up,” Mezi had mumbled, climbing back into Zayn’s lap who knew exactly what was coming, mouth agape as he watched Liam flush again, but this time a deep burgundy color as the man slipped to the floor, onto one knee._

“Come back to me,” Liam mumbled into Zayn’s collar, running his lips down his neck, which pulled Zayn out of his thoughts just in time to hear his husband sing the chorus of their first song to him.

“So honey now, take me into your loving arms, kiss me under the lights of a thousand stars, place your head on my beating heart. I’m thinking out loud, that maybe we found love right where we are.”

“I’ll never tire of hearing you sing that,” smiled Zayn right before Liam pulled away, spinning him slowly before pulling him back into his arms, their bodies falling in line easily, like they were meant to be.

“I’ll sing for you every day, Malik,” Liam chuckled slowly, eyes sparkling with emotion as he lifted his head towards the crowd.

“Its Malik-Payne,” corrected Zayn, tapping his newly ringed finger along Liam’s spin before pushing himself on the tip of his toes, kissing Liam until he was breathless and his ears rang from people’s cheers and hollers.

“Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory,” answered Liam, pressing his forehead to Zayn’s as he twirled them around, their mouths meeting again for another heated kiss.

And Zayn hated to dance, found no pleasure in it whatsoever, but as always Liam changed everything, making his toes curls and body hum as they moved slowly to the music.

“Can he come now?” Zayn asked when their foreheads were pressed together, fingers intertwined.

Without a word, Zayn felt the hand at the bottom of his back leave him for a second, the spot feeling cold even though it was replaced a second later. Less than minute later he felt tiny arms wrap around his thigh, a bed of sweet brown hair pressed to his leg as he looked down at his son.

“My little Beta,” whispered Zayn as Liam swept the boy into his arm, finding a way to curl himself into Zayn so they could all sway together, foreheads pressed together in a little love huddle.

“We’re dancing Baba at our wedding,”Mezi yelped happily, clapping his hands together as Liam hummed to the music, the boy joining in easily.

“We are,” conceded Zayn, mouthing the last line of the song again, “And we found love right where we are.”

“Did I find love too, Dada?” Mezi asked after a second as Liam repeated the Zayn’s words back to his husband, the entire room cooing and awing them.

“I hope so,” Liam said, kissing Mezi cheeks which only had everyone clapping louder, the music quickly fading away into something more rhythmic. “Because I fell for you, jaan.”


End file.
